Forum newsfeeds
Forum Newsfeeds


Sites for Teachers

Sites for Teachers


Go Back   UsingEnglish.com ESL Forum > Learning English > Editing & Writing Topics

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 20-Feb-2006, 18:19
Newbie
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Country: oman
Posts: 12
First Language: arabic
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
hulkman1 is on a distinguished road
Default Can anyone edit my article

Hello everybody, I am trying to do my homework which is an article about the unemployment . Can anyone edit it for me. please add your attitude about my article I mean my level in writting english language.


The Unemployment

The unemployment can be define as a type of a difficult situation in which we can not find any job. Even the educated person or qualified one is not able to get a job. It is caused by many factors. For example, the high amount of population in a particular area. Imagine a city of more than ten million residents, is it easy to find a job? Of course, no. It is really a very dangerous problem which make the economical rate of the city falling very fast.

It is a natural thing to find the unemployment in every country in the world. Qatar is one example of million of big countries all over the world , where we can find the unemployment. As you know it has a small population, although we can observe a little bit of the unemployment. It is more common among the uneducated people. Even though, they have the physical ability, they do not work any more. So if they are lucky, they might getting to be a pensioner. In other hand, they sit by a road asking for money.

Do you know that the unemployment problem is unsolvable? Certainly, It is difficult problem, because it is caused by the people themselves. How? If they do not find a job for one attempt only, they feel frustrated and upset. They never try again. So they easily become an unemployed persons. All these factors help the unemployment to be more common. In the future, it might destroy the system of the country completely.


Note: Duration: 50 minutes. Words NUM: 250 words

Please: Evaluate my essay
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 21-Feb-2006, 07:31
Editor, UsingEnglish.com
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Country: UK
Posts: 25,435
Current Location: Phnom Penh
First Language: English
Member Type: English Teacher
Thanks: 6
Thanked 414 Times in 373 Posts
Tdol has disabled reputation
Default Re: Can anyone edit my article

The unemployment- no need for article- you're talking in general
can be define - past participle (and do we need the definition?)
Even the educated person or qualified one is not able to get a job.- always? Try using a modal verb
Imagine a city of more than ten million residents, is it easy to find a job?- punctuation
Of course, no.- wrong word
problem which make- subject + verb agreement
the economical rate of the city falling very fast- change 'rate' and cahnge 'falling'
million of big countries all over the world , where we can find the unemployment- millions? Ther are only a few hundred countries in the world, large or small + punctuation problem
s you know it has a small population,- in the previous sentence, you said it was a big country- the logic doesn't follow
Even though, they- punctuation
they might getting - verb form
In other hand- preposition and article
It is difficult problem- capitalisation and article missing
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 21-Feb-2006, 09:03
Newbie
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Country: oman
Posts: 12
First Language: arabic
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
hulkman1 is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Can anyone edit my article

Thank you a lot Tdol.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 21-Feb-2006, 09:54
Editor, UsingEnglish.com
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Country: UK
Posts: 25,435
Current Location: Phnom Penh
First Language: English
Member Type: English Teacher
Thanks: 6
Thanked 414 Times in 373 Posts
Tdol has disabled reputation
Default Re: Can anyone edit my article

You're welcome, Hulkman.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
edit, article

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
the definite article + Proper Nouns ewelina Ask a Teacher 4 23-Jan-2008 14:36
[Proofread please] Analysis of a magazine article johan_vm Editing & Writing Topics 3 08-Jun-2005 03:29
the usage of the definite article "the" critic72 Ask a Teacher 1 25-Apr-2005 17:34
Edit please bmo Ask a Teacher 2 30-May-2004 07:17


New To Site? Need Help?

All times are GMT. The time now is 17:49.


vBulletin, Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.2.0
Copyright © 2002 - 2008 UsingEnglish.com