Please check this extract from my blog !!!

[hookeba]

I m writing blog as a way to master English writing skill. Please check if there's any expression which sounds odd and grammatical errors. Sorry for its length.

Thanks in advance.

An awful tale...

Once upon a time...


In a far-flung country...lied a small kingdom...THE BLIND 1 was how people called its name...This kingdom had no king... Instead, it was under the reign of queen PERFECT whose dignity and talent made everyone hold her in great respect and high regard.

There were several houses inside the kingdom. Among them was one of a man with an unusual name: THE ONE-EYED. He was fat, slow, dirty and thick-headed. He may appear sort of self-centered and egocentric, but, in fact, because he was not good at communicating, few would stop to talk with him. This made him even shy and had no self-confidence at all. Everyday, he interested himself with crazy dreams and nonsense thoughts. However, he had a sensitive and susceptible heart. He tended to get moved and bursted into tears quickly when he saw something heartrending.

One day, the queen of the kingdom decided to hold a contest in which everyone must have performances. Out of them, the queen would pick out the best and grant special gifts. On hearingthis news, he did a lot of worrying. He thought of how he could perform well when his communication skills were extremely poor. Giving up and getting fined might be the best
choice to him at that time....

Out of the blue and out of nowhere, a girl showed up and told him that she would help him voluntarily. She got such a strange name: LEE PUL BAR. She was indeed of great help to him. She helped him practice his performances and gave invaluable advices to what should be done. Besides, she gave confidence and happiness back to him. Above all, she helped him in everything just to perform as well as possible. It was no surprise that he began to have a feeling for her. In his imagination, she was an angle that had lifted up his burden and sadness on his shoulder, replenished his empty soul with freshness and joyfulness, made his life purposeful and deserving. Mostly important, she made his heart undergo profound changes that he had never had before.


However, all the good things must come to an end. His long-prepared performance didn't go as smoothly as expected.There were both subjective and objective reasons. He was in a severe mood. But, worse yet to come, he found out that the girl who helped him did love another man. He came from the higher social class and was in deep love with her for a long time. Even though he was studying in another country, but they still kept in very close touch with each other.


The pain was unbearable to his heart. Everyday, her image seemed to pour out salt to the wound in his soul. He didn't want to face the bitter fact and just bury his head in the sand. He blamed himself for his stupidity and insanity, for his sensitive heart and his crazy imagination. In the end, he decided to treat her as a friend and comes back to his usual hut, lived a new life, waited for another miracle to happen again. He whispered to himself that, at least he have had a new friend and new life experiences.

[hookeba]

Please help me, teacher !!!

[Tdol]

lied a small kingdom- lay a small kingdom- but it would be better to say 'there was a small kingdom'
was how people called its name- was what people called it
PERFECT whose- PERFECT, whose
Among them- In one of them
may appear- may have appeared
made him even shy- made him shy
and had no self-confidence- he had
with crazy dreams- in
bursted- burst
must have performances- had to perform
grant special gifts- award
might be- might have been
She got - She had
advices - advice
just to perform- to perform
a feeling - feelings
an angle- an angel
Mostly important- Most importantly
had never had- had never felt
severe mood- bad mood
was in deep love- has been deeply in love
to his heart- delete
pour out salt to - pour salt on
just bury- just wanted to bury
comes back- went back
he have had- he had
life experiences- experiences of life


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