Email Grammer - please check

I want to send an email to BBC - please check my grammer and look professional.

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Hello,

I’m the web leader of 'Majid Ahmed’s Official Fans Site' at www.whatever.com

I would to know if I am allowed to add some video clips of Majid Ahmed’s events and Majid Ahmed’s News to appear on 'Majid Ahmed’s Official Fans Site'. I have recorded some video clips of Majid Ahmed from BBC channels. It would be grateful if you allowed me to do this and I would add a BBC link and the logo of BBC on the Fans Site so the users would know that the video clips are copyright by BBC.

Regards,
Tom
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It would be- I would be grateful
copyright by BBC- BBC copyright

Thanks.. but is that it?

I thought my grammer is bad and not looking professional?

Cheers