Website's content

[Tetsuo]

Would like to know whether anyone owns the will to read my website.

And may tell me via this thread what's wrong or should I post it here?

[Tdol]

Please be patient while all the other things are in the making.

[Tetsuo]

Here're some poems of my own and would like to know whether they are right or not, it would be amazing if you can write down a reason why that's wrong.

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sweet home, salt lake

in deepest despair
the last help is
cut the last liana
and fall down

say goodbye to everyone
hope everything is done
hope that no one will
be hurt
say goodbye to everyone
hope everything is done
hope that no one will
miss me

i'm not the bravest man
to face all my fears
to solve my problems
as it best

mostly the fear throw me
into the darkest valley
to tear my soul apart
and taste the bitterness
of the tear's salt

that's nothing i like to do
but i dont know to solve it

sorry i don't want to hurt you !
sorry that i'm not the so brave !
hope you forgive all my bad
words i said and the thing
which hurting you most !
please forgive me !
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say "goodbye" cruel world

do you ever feel pain
which drives you insane
the biggest loss
very very gross
I never forget to say goodbye
I never forget to say goodbye
I never forget to say goodbye
I never stop to cry

emotions break like glass
when memories crushing back
I never want to be crass
I really need coming to my track
I never forget to say goodbye
I never forget to say goodbye
I never forget to say goodbye
I never stop to cry

I will never surrender
I will never hurt anyone I love
I really like to be tender
with hurt hurting you with a knife's shove
I never forget you
I never forget you
I never forget you
I paid my due

When I die I will do it with my hands untied
My body so dry because every tear is cried
When I die I will do it with my hands untied
But soon I'm not tired

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he dead saviour, my hero

where are you ?
have we ever met us ?
have you ever saw me ?
did you take care of me ?
why I must solve my problems alone ?
aren´t you the good man
you pretend to me ?


did you ever feel the pain I felt ?
did you ever feel helpless like me ?


the dark hold of the pain
won´t let me go !
the darkness eat me alive !
but until this will happen,
the darkness will agonize me !
please give me your hand
to help me out of the dark see I swim in !


help me out !
I´m going under !
give me your hand !
P L E A S E !
-----------------------------------

untitled 3

tears of darkness
eternal sadness
summarized the pain
it drives me insane
pick my eyes out
my heart yearns loud

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Thanks for helping me out.

[rewboss]

I don't think it's important for poetry to be grammatically correct. In fact, poetry is often about breaking the rules of grammar to acheive a desired effect -- this is what we call "poetic licence". So I don't think it's actually possible to say whether your poems are "correct" -- it's far too subjective for that.

[Tetsuo]

What's about the past, present etc. ? Someone told me that's something incorrect in one or more poems.