Would you mind correctin this motivation letter?

[chudy]

To whom it may concern

My name is [name]. I am a Pole who last season (2005) worked for your company [company1] but under the guidance of [company2]. In August, I worked on a pack house but in September I was transferred to [farm], where I worked on harvesting pears, plums and apples. My work number is [1111]. In connection with the fact that my co-operation with [company2] did not meet my expectations, I would like to apply for a job directly in your company. Both last year’s contacts and effective co-operation with supervisors – Mr. John and Mr. Craig – have encouraged me to start working on [farm] once again this year. I would appreciate it if you could answer my inquiry via e-mail and inform me whether it is possible for me to begin work in your company. As previously, I would like to reside in [city] if possible. Moreover, I could start my work from the beginning of July. As far as ways of contact are concerned, my e-mail address is [@@@] and my phone number is [111111111]. Please let me know if there is any further information you require. I would be immensely grateful if you could contact me via e-mail or telephone as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully

I've underlined the most questionable issues for me. Unfortunately, English isn't my native language; therefore, I am aware of the fact that this letter may contatin a lot of mistakes, especially stylistic ones. I would be very grateful if you could check it for mistakes. Thanks in advance.


under the guidance of - or 'under the leadership of' or 'under the direction of'?
on a pack house - 'on', 'in' or maybe 'at' pack house ?? :)
transferred to - is the verb "transfer" suitable here??
work number - Does something like 'work number' exist?
reside in - again, maybe other verb will be more appropriate here?

Hope you could help me :)

Edit: Oops, small mistake in the topic - 'correcting' of course

[Tdol]

on a pack house- in (packing? what do you mean here?)
My work number is- was
answer my inquiry- if this is for the UK, use ' enquiry'
As far as ways of contact are concerned,- I can be contacted ...
as soon as possible- at you earliest convenience

[nyggus]

Hi,

I have some suggestions and am wondering how you like them, tdol:
"In connection with the fact that my co-operation with ..." -- "Because my co-operation with..."
"I am a Pole who last season (2005) worked for your company.... " -- "I am Polish. During the last season (2005), I was working for your company..."
"with supervisors" -- "with my supervisors"
"whether it is possible for me to begin work in your company" -- "whether it is possible for me to work in your company"
tdol: I think you made a typo, as it should be "at your earliest convenience".

Best,
Nyggus

PS: By the way, Chudy -- witaj na forum!