civil service commission

[sydney52]

Can any please check this summuary for me? I had to write a summurry.
my english is so weak.




The civil service uses many different forms of evaluations, in order to set apart and test the ability of those applying for positions. It is also responsible for the conditions and protection for civil servants. The structure of the commission did not always work, so this led to restructuring.

After restructuring, they were still problems with the systems. It didnot hold true to the laws and protect the employeees from the advantages of others. there were only a few cases appealed . even with all the new rules and regulation it still could not improved on the way individuals recieved fair and impartial treatment.

[sydney52]

plese help ?

[Tdol]

forms of evaluations- I would use 'evaluation' here
set apart and test- set apart doesn't add much to the sentence- I think you could just delete it.
It is also responsible- You haven't told us what ' it'is. You mention the commission in the next sentence, but you can't use a pronoun without a clearly understood reference, and there isn't one here. Also, this paragraph has two things in it- testing and the commission and I see no link between them. This means that the paragraph jumps, which is not good. What I'd do is maybe expand a bit on the testing and then start a new paragraph. As a general pattern, a paragraph should deal with a single issue or point.

the systems- which systems? If you mean in general, then use the singular, but if you mean specific systmes then let us know which ones.
hold true to the laws- follow/keep to the law
from the advantages of others- the law is not there to prtect people from other people's advatages, but it is there to stop them being unfairly exploited, so how about using that?
regulation it still could not improved- regulations...improve
the way individuals recieved fair and impartial treatment- if there were problems, then it seems logical to me that they were not receiving fair and impartial treatment. If so, the how about ' ensuring that individuals received...