Please give some commons about my essays. Thank you very much!

[janice_z]

Hello everyone, I am a new member here. I found this website from google. This website seems to be very helpful and useful to me! I hope you could give me some commons about my essay! Thank you very much for your time!


Ontario and Quebec governments have recently set up a law against smoking in public places, including restaurants, pubs, or clubs. Agree or disagree with this law. Explain your answers.

Do you like to smell the strong cigarette smoke at restaurants? Do you like to sit nearby a smoker? If you answer “no” (“n” should not be capitalized) to these questions, you will be glad to see that a law, which bans smoking in all public places, has been set up in Quebec and Ontario, and I totally agree with this law. It is because this law is beneficial to non-smokers, smokers, and business owners that I agree with it.

First of all, prohibiting smoking in public places provides a healthy environment for non-smokers and children. Many people, including me, are not cigarette smokers. Most of us hate to inhale second-hand smoke emitted by smokers, so we often have to hold our breath while passing through clouds of noxious fumes. After this law is established, we do not need to worry about being poisoned by second-hand smoke anymore.

Second of all, in consequence of restricting cigarette addicts’ smoking places, smokers may smoke less frequently than they used to. As a result, their health can be improved gradually. In fact, A Canadian Health Magazine has shown if smokers have stopped smoking for twenty-four hours, their blood pressure will return to normal, their cilia in the bronchi will start to beat up again, and their chances of getting lung cancers will be reduced by one-fifth. Also, since they smoke infrequently, they can save thousands of dollars on buying cigarettes over the years.

Furthermore, this law can indirectly help to boom business industry. The restaurants have a much cleaner and healthier environment than before. No more toxic fumes flowing in the restaurants, more customers would like to go to their places to have a drink. Besides, business owners no longer need to worry about their stores being damaged by the burning cigarettes. Therefore, the chances of fire hazards in public places will be reduced by the establishment of this law.

Although some people may think that this law restricts smokers’ freedom, I believe that Quebec and Ontario governments have made an excellent choice. I really hope that our province could also create this law so that our health can be improved as well.

[Tdol]

Generally, this is a well-written piece. I am no great fan of direct questions, so I don't like the opening, however. I think it would read better if you made them indirect:
If you dislike the smell of cigarette smoke in restaurants...

I'd rewrite this sentence too:
No more toxic fumes flowing in the restaurants, more customers would like to go to their places to have a drink.
Have a go and see if you can improve on it.

[janice_z]

I deeply appreciate your help! I will apply your suggestions into my essay. Thank you again!

[Tdol]

You're welcome.