Please help me with this essay

[thuytrangkids90]

Being employed and unemployed both have advantages and disadvantages. What about your opinion?

These days, unemployment has become a serious problem in big cities, which influences not only individuals but also society. Therefore, although lack of job have some advantages, hardly anybody wants to stay in this situation. Without doubt, employment brings much more benifits than being out of work.
There are two sides to everything. On the one hand, we cannot deny unemployment's advantages. Not having to work, the unemployed have plenty of time to do whatever they want. However, this thing can be advantageous only when they can make do with the little money received from social-security scheme. Apart from that, they do not have to stand the burden of work and never worry about getting ahead in their jobs.
On the other hand, unemployment causes a lot of problems. Firstly, as the cost of living is becoming higher, being unemployed will lead to getting poor and lazy. The unemployed can hardly enjoy their lives with the little money from the system of social protection. Moreover, the payment they receive relates to their previous contributions, which means if they have not had a job before, they will get nothing. In addition, without money,they have to depend on other people, which will lose their value in life and bring shame on them. Gradually, lack of money, lack of pride will end up lack of happiness. Apart from that, unemployment affects the development of society. First of all, it influences the economy. People who are out of work do not make products for society and at the same time just consume a little amount of material outputs. Second, the devil finds work for idle hands. Many social evils such as drug addiction, robbery, murder are made by people who have nothing to do and misteem the value of themselves. It is very dangerous to society.
On the contrary, although having a job reduces the time for entertainment and stress you out, its benifits are quite a lot. First, you will earn your own money, which means you can buy whatever you want provided that you can afford it. You will also become more careful with money and esteem its value. What is more, making products for society enables you to be proud of yourself and confident in life. Besides these benefits, working outdoor offers you the chances to socialize and learn useful things such as how to behave well and how to face up to difficulties. Your life will be more meaningful and interesting. The standard of living will be much improved.
A poor person will probably lead to a poor family. Many poor families will lead to a poor society. Therefore, it is high time more relevant solutions to reduce the unemployment rate were put into effect

[Tdol]

Paragraph 1
Is unemployment only a problem in big cities?

'Lack of job has some advatages'- does it?

benifits- benefits

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

Being employed and unemployed both have advantages and disadvantages. What about your opinion?

I would say:

Being employed and being unemployed both have advantages and disadvantages. What is your opinion?

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

These days, unemployment has become a serious problem in big cities, which influences not only individuals but also society. Therefore, although lack of job have some advantages, hardly anybody wants to stay in this situation. Without doubt, employment brings much more benifits than being out of work.

For the econd sentence, try:

Therefore, although being out of a job can have some advantages, hardly anybody wants to stay in that situation.

For the third sentence, say;

Without doubt, employment brings many more benefits than being out of work.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

There are two sides to everything. On the one hand, we cannot deny unemployment's advantages. Not having to work, the unemployed have plenty of time to do whatever they want. However, this thing can be advantageous only when they can make do with the little money received from social-security scheme. Apart from that, they do not have to stand the burden of work and never worry about getting ahead in their jobs.

What do you mean by "social-security scheme"? Unemployment compensation?

Space between paragraphs.

Say: "that can be advantageous" (instead of "this thing can be advantageous....")

Say: "Apart from that, they do not have to put up with the stress of work, and they never worry about getting ahead in their jobs."

[thuytrangkids90]

Thanks RonBee. What do you mean by quoting the rest of my essay?
Can I ask you a question?
Should I begin my essay with a quotation of a writer?
Some people say that I shouldn't but I think it will make my essay more interesting.
(I didn't mean this essay but an essay in general)

[Tdol]

Why don't you incorporate the quote into the writing?

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

Thanks RonBee. What do you mean by quoting the rest of my essay?

That was a goof. I forgot to delete the part I didn't respond to. (I'll fix that.)

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

Can I ask you a question?
Should I begin my essay with a quotation of a writer?
Some people say that I shouldn't but I think it will make my essay more interesting.
(I didn't mean this essay but an essay in general)

There is nothing wrong with beginning the essay with a quote. Just make sure it is relevant to the text.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

On the other hand, unemployment causes a lot of problems. Firstly, as the cost of living is becoming higher, being unemployed will lead to getting poor and lazy. The unemployed can hardly enjoy their lives with the little money from the system of social protection.

Prefer First to Firstly. Say:

The unemployed can hardly enjoy their lives with the little money they get from the system of social protection. (Perhaps better would be to say "the small amount of money they get....")

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

Moreover, the payment they receive relates to their previous contributions, which means if they have not had a job before, they will get nothing.

OK

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

In addition, without money,they have to depend on other people, which will lose their value in life and bring shame on them.

In addition, without money, they have to depend on other people, which causes their value in life to diminish and brings shame on them.

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

Gradually, lack of money, lack of pride will end up lack of happiness. Apart from that, unemployment affects the development of society. First of all, it influences the economy. People who are out of work do not make products for society and at the same time just consume a little amount of material outputs. Second, the devil finds work for idle hands. Many social evils such as drug addiction, robbery, murder are made by people who have nothing to do and misteem the value of themselves. It is very dangerous to society.

Rewrite some of that. (Say: "Gradually, lack of money and lack of pride will create unhappiness.") What do you mean by "misteem"?

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

On the contrary, although having a job reduces the time for entertainment and stress you out, its benifits are quite a lot. First, you will earn your own money, which means you can buy whatever you want provided that you can afford it. You will also become more careful with money and esteem its value. What is more, making products for society enables you to be proud of yourself and confident in life. Besides these benefits, working outdoor offers you the chances to socialize and learn useful things such as how to behave well and how to face up to difficulties. Your life will be more meaningful and interesting. The standard of living will be much improved.

How would you rewrite that?

Originally Posted by thuytrangkids90

A poor person will probably lead to a poor family. Many poor families will lead to a poor society. Therefore, it is high time more relevant solutions to reduce the unemployment rate were put into effect

Poor people marry each other?