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21-Sep-2006, 01:58
| | Member | | Join Date: Sep 2006 Country: China
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| | The second story, Pls help to check both grammar and words A young boy, bageda, lived on a grassland with his father.
One day, they lost their way, the boy felt so tired and terrified, at last he could move any more with his weak legs. His father took out five coins and buried one under the ground, the father gave the boy the other four and said, "Son, you must realize that we all five coins just like childhood, teenage, young, middle age and agedness, now you have spent one under the ground and you can not spend all on the grassland without any more significance, you should leave here and take more sight over the world."
Encouraged by his father, bageda left his home and be a great captain | 
21-Sep-2006, 02:22
| | Member | | Join Date: Sep 2005 Country: India
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| | Re: The second story, Pls help to check both grammar and words Quote:
Originally Posted by wuwei A young boy, bageda, lived on a grassland with his father.
One day, they lost their way, the boy felt so tired and terrified, at last he could move any more with his weak legs. | One day, when they lost their way, the boy felt so tired
and terrified that he could not move anymore with his weak legs. Quote:
Originally Posted by wuwei His father took out five coins and buried one under the ground, the father gave the boy the other four and said, "Son, you must realize that we all five coins just like childhood, teenage, young, middle age and agedness, now you have spent one under the ground and you can not spend all on the grassland without any more significance, you should leave here and take more sight over the world." | ...and buried one under the ground, and gave the boy
the other four and said, "Son, you must realize that we
all have five coins - childhood, teenage, youth, middle age,
and old age. You have now spent one (that is) under
the ground. You cannot spend them all on the grassland
without any (more) significance. You should leave here and
see more of the world." Quote:
Originally Posted by wuwei Encouraged by his father, bageda left his home and be a great captain | ... and became a great captain. | 
21-Sep-2006, 02:47
| | Member | | Join Date: Sep 2006 Country: China
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| | Re: The second story, Pls help to check both grammar and words Quote:
Originally Posted by englishstudent One day, when they lost their way, the boy felt so tired
and terrified that he could not move anymore with his weak legs.
...and buried one under the ground, and gave the boy
the other four and said, "Son, you must realize that we
all have five coins - childhood, teenage, youth, middle age,
and old age. You have now spent one (that is) under
the ground. You cannot spend them all on the grassland
without any (more) significance. You should leave here and
see more of the world."
... and became a great captain. | Hi,englishstudent, thanks for your help both in this essay and in the previous one.
after your modification, the essay become more vivid and flowing.
Thanks | 
21-Sep-2006, 03:21
| | Member | | Join Date: Sep 2005 Country: India
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| | Re: The second story, Pls help to check both grammar and words Wuwei, you are welcome. Upon re-reading my suggestion,
I realized that I don't need the "and" before "buried one
under the ground". So the suggested sentence is -
" His father took out five coins, buried one under the ground, and gave the boy the other four and said,...." | | Thread Tools | | | | Display Modes | Linear Mode |
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