My Biography ,,, plz wanna check

[shatat]

I were asked to write a Biography about my self in specific things
this is what I've been writing
If you have any comments or suggestions to make it
better, I'll be more than happy to read it

..

My name is Shahad, I am studying business at Fujairah Women’s College and if God willing I will graduate after 2 years in 2008.

I am a writer and a poet, I like writing especially at night, my best friend is my pen actually it’s more than friend it’s my lung which I exhale my sadness and susceptibility through. I believe that there is several things in common between writing and being an entrepreneur and I thing being a writer helps me a lot to understand how can I be a successful entrepreneur who can take the plunge and test the waters, for instance I’ve learned how to measure my success if I write a poem by supervise the response of people around me who are interest about my success more than accommodate me and I think in the real life if I set up my own business I can measure to which extent my customer will like it and whether its attract them or not.

In general I am a quite person, month a go I thought that I am outgoing to a good extent but I have realized when I went to entrepreneur conference in Dubai that I need to be more outgoing and I am working on it now, the most thing that attract me on people is their honestly but I know that in my business life I have to deal with people who are not my cup of tea and I thing being a writer also helps me on that because I already have a lot of experience on this field.

My role models in my life is my eldest sister who are an entrepreneur and Fatime Bint Mobarak because of her achievement in her life

I am also a designer and I hope I can set up a business which care on young nationals and help them to express them selves and wake up the creation which is slept inside them, I think being a national entrepreneur can help me to do an effective thing for them and being a role model myself.

When I graduate I want to work firstly at any successful company which will help me to save an amount of money which will I use it as a capital for my business, I will also gain more experience by understanding the style for each manager there and how they try to reach their goals and then I will start.

One of my life goals is getting a very high degree but I understand that its difficult in my case to go further than Fujairah to study so I don’t have until now a clear image about my academic future but I hope I can get a higher degree than higher diploma.

But the main and major goal is to be a successful entrepreneur and a famous writer because I believe on my ability to meet my well-advised goals.

[wsemajb]

My name is Shahad, and I am studying business at Fujairah Women’s College. God willing I will graduate after 2 years in 2008. I am a writer and a poet. I like writing especially at night and my best friend is my pen. Actually it’s more than friend; it’s the breast from which I exhale my sadness and susceptibility through.

I believe that there are several things common to writing and being an entrepreneur. Being a writer greatly helps me to understand how might I be a successful entrepreneur who can take a plunge and test the waters. For instance, I’ve learned how to measure my success if I write a poem by observing the response of people around me who are interested more in my success than simply accommodating me. If I set up my own business I will be better able to measure the extent to which my customer will like it, and whether it's genuinely attractive to them or not.

In general I am a quiet person. However, as recently as a month ago I thought that I was sufficiently outgoing, but while recently attending an entrepreneur conference in Dubai I came to realize my need to be more outgoing and am working on it now. What attracts me most about people is their honestly, but I know that in my business life I may have to deal with people who are not my cup of tea. Being a writer also helps me with this because it has given me a lot of experience in this field.

My role models in life are my eldest sister, who is an entrepreneur, and Fatime Bint Mobarak because of her achievements in life. I am also a designer and I hope I can set up a business with concern for young nationals, helping them to express themselves and awaken the creativity which is dormant inside them. I believe that being a national entrepreneur can help me to do effective work for them, and become a role model myself.

When I graduate I want first to work at any successful company which will help me to earn sufficient capital for me to start my business. I will also gain more experience while learning from the style of each manager there, and observing how they manage to reach their goals. Then I will be ready to start.

One of my life's goals is getting a very high degree. I understand that it's difficult in my case to go further than Fujairah to study, so presently I don't have a clear picture of my academic future. I hope I can get a higher degree than a high school/undergraduate? diploma, but the main and major goal is to be a successful entrepreneur and a famous writer because I believe in my ability to meet my well-envisioned goals.

***************

I think you meant to say envisioned there, but I might be wrong. It's better form to avoid single sentence paragraphs, unless they are quite long and inclusive. That's why I combined yours with their relevant paragraphs. It really would be best for you to take both versions of this text to someone that can instruct you further as to the reasons for the changes made. There are certain to be a few more mistakes that I didn't catch or have even contributed, but it's mostly good.

Good luck with everything!

[wsemajb]

My browser is not allowing me to edit posts.

The second paragraph should read "...understand how I might become a successful..."

[Tdol]

Wsemajb, which browser are you using?

[shatat]

:: Wsemajb ::

Thanks a lot Sir for your response and help,,,
I hope I can return your favor one day ,,,

.
.

About your comment
Actually we were asked to write specific things in each paragraph, that’s why
there were very short paragraphs.

..

Thanks again Sir

[wsemajb]

Wsemajb, which browser are you using?

I tried to edit both in IE and in my favorite, Kmeleon. I've had no problems before or since, so I think it might have just been the size of the post and a slow connection that day. I'd edit that long piece above and the little icon would go a-whirling around, indicating that it was trying something, but it would never finish.

[Tdol]

I don't know Kmeleon- better than Firefox (the one I use)? It must have been a bad connection day. It shouldn't be the site- we've just added another few gallons of memory.