Can you help me with my formal letter?

[Tangerine]

I copied only the paragraphs to make it easier.

My name is Tan Gerine, I am a long-standing member of Feel Free Club and on behalf of the members, I would like to comment on the improvements to the club and also, I would like to mention some proposals.

Firstly, we consider that building a second sauna or adding a steam pool is a good idea, however, there are more urgent needs in the swimming pool area. We all agree that it is a better idea to extend changing and shower facilities in that section. This would have a possitive effect on members that do not feel at ease with the current size of the facilities mentioned before.

We must also point out that it is not necessary to have a wide screen tv, broadcasting global sports channels for the snack bar. Yet, it would be more convenient to buy another microwave. Because of the large number of people, who have lunch at the snack bar, we believe that having only one is not enough.

Furthermore, we think that there is no room for additional exercise bikes, rowing machines, or tradmills for the gym. Instead, we suggest that you should bare in mind the possibility of hiring qualified therapists and reflexologists for the treatment room.

What do you think? It sounds formal? Is it too bad?
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you in advance!

[Tangerine]

The topic appears twice. Sorry!
I dont know how to erase the other one :$

[Tdol]

and also,- remove the comma, or put another before 'also'
idea, however- idea; however
Yet, it would - I'd use 'Indeed' or something to strengthen the argument, not introduce a contrast
tradmills - treadmills
bare in mind- bear

(I deleted the duplicate post)

[Tangerine]

Thanks for your comments on my letter, Ill make the changes :)


And thanks for erasing the other topic, it wasnt my intention to create two topics alike!

[Tdol]

You're welcome and it's no problem at all with the dual post- it happens quite a lot.