help me please. writing a formal letters...

[shirush_0206]

hey everyone! i'am from Israel and i have an English work, write formal letter!..this is my first time i write formal letter and i need some help. i was writing him but i need that someone who know write formal letter to check my letter..so here he is (thank for who that help me ):

Dear Mr. Avi Ben

As the Manager of Top Company, I am making this complaint to you because you're company service. Last month I was browsed for MP3 in the Internet and got to your web company ("Top") and made an order for the MP3 that should come to my home after two weeks. I wait and the MP3 wasn't come. After 2 weeks I called to your company and a nice women told my that the order delayed because the holidays.

Passed month and the MP3 is still not came.

I called again to your company and the same women that spoke with me in the last time told me that the product came from abroad and should came to my home in more 3-4 days.

The MP3 really came but unfortunately he was in a bad quality; the button looks used and the wrapping was scratched. I was really disappointed!

This is not the first time that I bought from the internet.

This case, I was really disappointed. But I was decisive to solve the problem.

I called to your company (again) and the secretary told me that they bring to my home immediately an emissary in the next 72 hour. The emissary really came after 24 hours.

I was sure that my problem was finally solved. But no!

I opened the packing and found that I got the wrong MP3. The MP that I invite was 1 GB and this was only 512 GB. It's was absolutely too much!

So I know that your company wished to give to the public the best possible service but in this time it was too much. I only want MP3 and it's what I got. It's not my duty to call to you're company so many times!

Please let me know how I can get this problem solved and get the correct,

MP3 that Ipurchased.

Yours sincerely

Shir

[shirush_0206]

after the sentance "The MP that I invite was 1 GB and this was only 512 GB. It's was absolutely too much!"
there is space..he just erased whan i copy the letter :]

[Tdol]

Firslty, don't use contractions like 'you're' in a letter.

I would staart like this:

Dear Mr X,
I am writing to complain about an MP3 player that I ordered from you.

Then describe the time you had to wait.
I think you wanted 1GB and got 512MB- the numbers seem wrong.

Then end the letter with the action you want them to take stated clearly:

I would, therefore, be grateful if you could send me the MP3 player that I originally ordered without delay as this order has already taken a considerable amount of time

[shirush_0206]

thank's a lot!
you can give me another word to "you're"?
and what with the tenses? they correct?

[shirush_0206]

ohh you mean - your?

[Tdol]

you are- write the words in full