Event audit: please correct my grammar

[Naromi]

Thank you in advanced
8
Event audit: Perth Royal Show.
Perth Royal Show is an annual event which was held at Claremont. This event has many activities, games and shows. There were approximately 500-1,000 people attended. Claremont is a good location to hold the event as this event requires very big location for massive people who attended. The event is located near train station, so that people from different place can catch a train to join the event. As spring is out of rain and storm, it might be good for the totally outdoor event like The Royal show.

The target public is not specific to any age group. However, some of their advertisements at many train stations seem to target at young adult and children. This event may suit for every one in the family and it tried to persuade people to attend the event as a family. This is because people will get cheaper price if they go as a family. The Royal show uses different channels to promote the event. It has a colorful website which release all information about this event such as time, map, price, the schedule and so on. The website is very colorful and easy to navigate. In many train stations around Perth, there is an advertisement of the event which was noticeable. All advertisements at the train stations were the same. They are colorful they suit to their target public. There is an advertisement on television as well. It seems to be the same idea as printed advertisement.

The ticket cost 20 dollars each for adults, 16 dollars for senior card holders, 10 dollars for children, students under 18 and pensioner concession and free for children under 5 of age. This price is not quite reasonable, because in the event people have to pay when they want to play the plaything, games, food and drink. There are few activities which can watch for free such as pet show.

As the Perth Royal Show is a big event and it is located in very large location, the event organizer should provide more toilets for the attendees. There are few toilets and people have to wait quite long to use the toilets. There are many fast food shops in this event, but they sale the same kind of food. It might be good, if this event has variety of food for the attendees. People who attended the event all day would have to eat the same kind of food for their different meals. Another problem that I found is it is quite easy to get lost in this event, because they have few maps. Maps should be found anywhere in the event, so that people will not get lost and they will know the direction of the place they like to go. There are many activities in this event each day, but the games in the event have to much the same games and not many people who joined the games.

The Royal Show has a lot of sponsors. However, the principle sponsors are Coca-Cola, Masterfood, Peter & Brownes and Woolworths. The sponsors are appropriate for this event.
For my impression, this event had provided a lot of staff to help people when they have a problem. There are bins every where in the event and I hardly saw the litters on the ground. Moreover, this event provided different playthings to suit different age group. Therefore, the children and young adults would play different playthings. Lastly, this event has different activities each day, so people can join the event every day it opens and it is not boring.

As I mentioned above about the problems of this event, I would have some suggestion for the event organizer that this event should have more toilets, more variety of food, lesson some of same games and make a brochure with a map and other important information for every attendee.

[RonBee]

Event audit: Perth Royal Show.
Perth Royal Show is an annual event which was held at Claremont.

Perth Royal Show is an annual event which is held at Claremont.

OR:

Perth Royal Show is an annual event which was held at Claremont this year.

This event has many activities, games and shows.

This event has many activities, including games and shows.

There were approximately 500-1,000 people attended. Claremont is a good location to hold the event as this event requires very big location for massive people who attended.

There were approximately 500-1,000 people in attendance. Claremont is a good place to hold the event as this event requires a large area to accommodate the large number of people who attend.

The event is located near train station, so that people from different place can catch a train to join the event.

The event is located near a train station, so people can catch a train to get there.

As spring is out of rain and storm, it might be good for the totally outdoor event like The Royal show.

The target public is not specific to any age group. However, some of their advertisements at many train stations seem to target at young adult and children.

The targeted audience is not any specific age group. However, some of their advertisements at many train stations seem to target young adults and children.

This event may suit for every one in the family and it tried to persuade people to attend the event as a family. This is because people will get cheaper price if they go as a family.

The event may be suitable for everyone in the family, and an effort was made to get people to attend as family groups. Part of that effort was made by lowering ticket prices for those who attended as family groups.

The Royal show uses different channels to promote the event. It has a colorful website which release all information about this event such as time, map, price, the schedule and so on. The website is very colorful and easy to navigate. In many train stations around Perth, there is an advertisement of the event which was noticeable. All advertisements at the train stations were the same. They are colorful they suit to their target public. There is an advertisement on television as well. It seems to be the same idea as printed advertisement.

The Royal show uses different channels to promote the event. It has a colorful website which releases all information about this event such as time, map, price, the schedule and so on. The website is very colorful and easy to navigate. In many train stations around Perth there was a highly visible advertisement of the event. All the advertisements at the train stations were the same. They were colorful they were geared to the target audience. There were advertisements on television as well.

~R