Can you correct my composition, please?(:

[Katik]

If you don't mind, can you check my composition? Thank you.

Graffiti: Is it art or a crime?

• There are a lot of various styles in art and some of them are uncommon. Young people are not as conservative as adults. They attempt to vary their life creating new styles and directions in art and graffiti is one of them. However the majority of adults do not concur with youth opinion and consider that graffiti is a crime. In this composition I will discuss both points of views and express my opinion on the matter.
• To begin with, it is often said that nothing can vary our life as new and modern ideas. So, graffiti is one of these modern ideas. Firstly, this style of art can improve the view of dark districts of the town. For example, a bright and colourful graffiti painted on the grey wall relieve a sombre town. Secondly, graffiti artists are enjoyed wide popularity in the modern firms and clubs. They design a series of government posters, and decorate nightclubs.
• On the other hand, graffiti artists are usually aged under 20, so the majority of them are extremals. They break the law and illegally paint public buildings and transport. Thus, a lot of people regard graffiti as a form of a crime and vandalism. What is more, some graffiti artists paint dreadful things, such as death or blood. Consequently, these graffiti pictures have a negative effect on people.
• In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The graffiti should be developed as a style of art, not as a crime. To my mind, government has to give a chance to young people to express themselves in that direction.

[curmudgeon]

First paragraph
GRAFFITI: ART OR CRIME?

• There are many styles of art, and some of them are more common than others. Young people, by nature, are less conservative than adults. Their inventiveness is responsible for the creation of new forms and direction in art and graffiti is one of the results. However the majority of adults do not readily identify with these innovations and consider that graffiti is a crime. In this composition I will discuss both points of views and express my opinion on the matter.

[Katik]

Originally Posted by curmudgeon

First paragraph
GRAFFITI: ART OR CRIME?

• There are many styles of art, and some of them are more common than others. Young people, by nature, are less conservative than adults. Their inventiveness is responsible for the creation of new forms and direction in art and graffiti is one of the results. However the majority of adults do not readily identify with these innovations and consider that graffiti is a crime. In this composition I will discuss both points of views and express my opinion on the matter.

Thank you very much

[curmudgeon]

Hi Katik,

No one else helping with this? I'll have a look at the next part later (just got up)

[Katik]

Originally Posted by curmudgeon

Hi Katik,

No one else helping with this? I'll have a look at the next part later (just got up)

It will be a good thing(: thank you

[curmudgeon]

• Firstly, it is often said that nothing changes our lives as much as new and innovative thinking, which in turn leads to progress. Graffiti is one example of this. Used correctly, this style of art can enhance the appearance of dark and featureless urban districts. For example, a bright and colourful graffiti image painted on a gray, characterless wall can bring welcome relief to the residents of an otherwise uninspiring locality. Secondly, graffiti artists enjoy wide and growing public support and popularity in todays society, both socially and commercially. Their work can be seen everywhere, from government sponsored posters to the decoration inside nightclubs

Lots of changes! I hope I haven't gone too far!

[Katik]

Originally Posted by curmudgeon

• Firstly, it is often said that nothing changes our lives as much as new and innovative thinking, which in turn leads to progress. Graffiti is one example of this. Used correctly, this style of art can enhance the appearance of dark and featureless urban districts. For example, a bright and colourful graffiti image painted on a gray, characterless wall can bring welcome relief to the residents of an otherwise uninspiring locality. Secondly, graffiti artists enjoy wide and growing public support and popularity in todays society, both socially and commercially. Their work can be seen everywhere, from government sponsored posters to the decoration inside nightclubs

Lots of changes! I hope I haven't gone too far!

Oho not so bad
I didn't even imagine how many mistakes I did(:

[curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by Katik

Oho not so bad
I didn't even imagine how many mistakes I made(:

Not all mistakes Katik, just my interpretation of your words. That's the problem sometimes, native speakers tend to correct to their own way of thinking. To go through it word by word and sentence by sentence would take a lot of time. Hopefully you can see where I have (hopefully) improved it without too much shift in context.

[Katik]

Originally Posted by curmudgeon

Not all mistakes Katik, just my interpretation of your words. That's the problem sometimes, native speakers tend to correct to their own way of thinking. To go through it word by word and sentence by sentence would take a lot of time. Hopefully you can see where I have (hopefully) improved it without too much shift in context.

Yes, I see. To my mind, you corrected this composition very good - EXCELLENTLY!(: But if I give it to teacher, she will not believe to me. As for our level it is extremely hard to write such composition, using very rich vocabluary and structure(: But, nevertheless, I corrected it, but not all(:
So, once more thank you(: If you need a help, write me, I will help you(: But not with English, as you see I'm only a leaner in this direction.

[curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by Katik

Yes, I see. To my mind, you corrected this composition very good - EXCELLENTLY!(: But if I give it to teacher, she will not believe to me. As for our level it is extremely hard to write such composition, using very rich vocabluary and structure(: But, nevertheless, I corrected it, but not all(:
So, once more thank you(: If you need a help, write me, I will help you(: But not with English, as you see I'm only a leaner in this direction.

Yes you are right your teacher would be a little suspicious, I think.