[Checking coherence] Just the thesis statement

[HaraKiriBlade]

While many other factors come into play in regards to crime and violence and it is difficult to accurately determine how positively or negatively guns affect our society, it is an overstatement to say guns protect; they are a very ineffective means of protection for the following reasons: they are a preemptive weapon and rarely do victims strike first; they do not choose whose hands they fall into and more often than not become a threat to regular citizens instead of a tool of protection; and while the criminals’ acknowledgement of possibly armed citizens may deter some criminals from committing crimes and may serve as a form of protection for law-abiding citizens, other criminals would feel more inclined to pull the trigger to prevent counterattack from armed citizens.

This is my prototype thesis statement for my final research essay in my English class. Please give it a read, and if at any part of the paragraph you find yourself having to go back and read again for clarification, let me know which part: I conjoined one verb after another, and some sentences may not even make sense. Along with that, if you'd be so kind as to proofread my thesis statement I would really appreicate it.

[curmudgeon]

While many other factors come into play in regards to crime and violence, it is difficult to accurately determine how positively or negatively guns affect our society. It is an overstatement to say guns protect; they are a very ineffective means of protection. They are a preemptive weapon and victims do not often strike first. Guns cannot choose whose hands they fall into, and more often than not become a threat to regular citizens instead of a means of protection. While the criminals’ acknowledgement of the possibility that citizens may be armed serves to deter some of them, and thus provides some form of protection for the law-abiding public, other criminals may feel more inclined to pull the trigger to prevent the risk of a counterattack from their victims.