Ietls Essay Help Correction

[dadimo]

"POPULAR EVENTS LIKE THE FOOTBALL WORLD CUP AND OTHER INTERNATIONAL SPORTING OCCASIONS ARE ESSENTIAL IN EASING INTERNATIONAL TENSIONS AND RELEASING PATRIOTIC EMOTIONS IN A SAFE WAY"

- Nowadays we are constantly under the menace of the explosion of a new World War, international tensions are at their acme everywhere and no one knows where and when the next battle will be fought. In such a scenario, having the possibility to ease these tensions is vital for a less worrying future. Such possibility is often provided by sporting occasions, among which the football World Cup, played every four years, is one of the most popular.-

THIS IS THE FIRST PARAGRAPH, I hope you (whoever it will be to see it first) like it

thanks in advance for the correction

[Tdol]

Do wars explode?
Acme- is this an appropriate term?
Such possibility- word missing?

[dadimo]

thanks for the correction:

- Nowadays we are constantly under the menace of a new Worl War breaking out, international tensions are at their climax everywhere and no one knows where and when the next battle will be fought. In such a scenario, having the possibility to ease these tensions is vital for a less worrying future. Such a possibility is often provided by sporting occasions, among which the football World Cup, played every four years, is one of the most popular.-

i hope u like my corrections

[Tdol]

I like two, but would use something like 'tensions are at their highest', which allows for them to go higher, while 'peak' suggests that they have reached a limit, and things can always get worse in international relations.

[dadimo]

gosh! will i ever make it????

but the word highest itself doesn't imply that the limit has been reached???

anyway, I am gonna post the second paragraph when i will be home.

thanks a lot

[Tdol]

If they're at the highest, they could still go higher- you could also use something like 'are higher than ever' if you prefer.

gosh! will i ever make it????- Yes

[dadimo]

- Nowadays we are constantly under the menace of a new Worl War breaking out, international tensions are higher than ever everywhere and no one knows where and when the next battle will be fought. In such a scenario, having the possibility to ease these tensions is vital for a less worrying future. Such a possibility is often provided by sporting occasions, among which the football World Cup, played every four years, is one of the most popular.-

"This and other events give to many countries, that would otherwise never dare to have relations whatsoever, the possibility to face eachother on a peaceful field. Furthermore, people of different cultures and backgrounds have the chance to stay side by side, getting to know eachother and expierencing, sometimes, real brotherhood for the sake of sport.

It is also true though, that a world-wide event that involves such a huge number of countries can't make any difference if there are no current relations at all. States that are fighting for economic, religious, political etc. reasons won't be certainly influenced or persuaded to give up on their demands."

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Tdol]

give to many countries,- no need for 'to'
eachother - space
stay side by side- change verb
expierencing- typo
real brotherhood- how about 'fellowship' as women can watch too
can't- don't use contractions
if there are no current relations at all.- I'd rephrase this- it's a bit vague and the next sentence is about relations, though negative ones

[dadimo]

"This and other events give (...) many countries, that would otherwise never dare to have relations whatsoever, the possibility to face each other on a peaceful field. Furthermore, people of different cultures and backgrounds have the chance to fraternise, getting to know each other and experiencing, sometimes, real fellowship for the sake of sport.

It is also true though, that a world-wide event that involves such a huge number of countries can not make any difference if their current relations have irremediably soured. States that are fighting for economic, religious, political etc. reasons won't be certainly influenced or persuaded to give up on their demands."

I hope you like it

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Tdol]

Carry on