Please give some comments to my essay

[Raiph]

To work to live or to live to work
Confronted with the question about our attitude towards the weight between wok and life, people might fall into a dilemma. Indeed it’s difficult to get the same answer because it completely depends on the way people look at the importance of them .For my part , I would say I am the person who work to live.
To me, work is nothing but a mean of making a living so that I can feed myself and buy me whatever I live. Work cannot take up all my life, instead , it is a just a part of my life thought this part is playing an essential role as we all know . I have read a story of a young man in newspaper, which will serve as an example to show us how he led a carefree life without work-related stress . He was a restless man who quitted his jobs frequently just to go on his tour around China. As a result, he had been to many places of interest. And he said this was his life , and he had passion for his life. Compared with many people who are crazy about working day and night , this young man seems to live a enjoyable life.
Work doesn’t mean everything to us. In our life, something , such as family , counts for more. Families give us more than mental support while work just provide us with financial support but nothing. Money is not what we were born with. If we lose a great deal of money, sad as we are, we can make them again. Once you lose one of your family members, they can’t come back to life and you lose them for ever. True, we’re living in a world of material and only by working hard can we achieve better things, but family life can enable you to get fulfillment.
Asked the question that do you love to work or work to love again, I’m sure I will choose the latter without any doubt. We should not be governed by the tyranny of work, instead, we should be ourselves to enjoy our lives.

Thanks to you

[Dany]

Work for live or live for work
Confronted with the question about our attitude towards the weight between work and life, people might fall into a dilemma. Indeed it’s difficult to get the same answer from everyone because it completely depends on the way people look at the importance of it. From my point of view, I would say that I am the person who work to live.
In my opinion work is nothing else than a kind of archiving a certain livestyle so that I can feed myself and buy me whatever I want/need. Work cannot take up all my life, nevertheless, it is a part of my life and this part is playing an essential role as we all know. I have read a story of a young man in a newspaper, which will serve as an example to show us how he led a carefree life without work-related stress . He was a restless man who has quitted his jobs frequently to make a tour around China. As a result, he had been to many interesting places. And he said that this was his life, and he has passion for his life (I would rather say: and he likes/loves this kind of living). Compared with many other people who are crazy about working day and night, this young man seems to live a enjoyable life.
Work doesn’t mean everything to us. In our life, something else, such as family, counts more. Families give us more than mental support whereas work just provide us with financial support and nothing else. Money is not what we were born with. If we lose a great deal of money, sad as we are (I would say: so sad as this will be), we can make it again. Once you lose one of your family members, they can’t come back to life and you will lose them forever. True (I would say: But, to be honest,), we’re living in a world of material and only by working hard we can achieve better things, but family life can enable you to get fulfillment.
Asked the question that do you love to work or work to love againI’m sure I will choose the latter without any doubt(I would say: If you say that you like it to go to work, I will rewrite my letter immediately and without any doubts.), . We should not be ruled by the tyranny of work. Far from it! We should enjoy our life before it is too late !!!
Thanks to you

Best wishes,
Dany

[Raiph]

Best wishes,
Dany

Thank you , but I don't understand the bule-printed sentences that you added to my conclusion.

[Raiph]

Best wishes,
Dany

I would say: If you say that you like it to go to work, I will rewrite my letter immediately and without any doubts.), Far from it! We should enjoy our life before it is too late !!!
Thank you, but

[Dany]

Thank you , but I don't understand the bule-printed sentences that you added to my conclusion.

These are just sentences which I would prefer more than your sentences, but your sentences are gramatical correct, so it is up to you

[Dany]

I would say: If you say that you like it to go to work, I will rewrite my letter immediately and without any doubts

It means, when someone has another opinion (love to go to work), I would rewrite these letter.
That's the way I understand your expression. Maybe I've misunderstood it?

Far from it! We should enjoy our life before it is too late !!!

Far from it = opposite

Best wishes,
Dany