Please check my essay

[Raiph]

Please check my essay. It is not necessary to correct ever single grammatical mistake but to give a overall comment, such as the influency , variety of words and sentences. And any suggestion on advancement of my writing is welcomed.

The Big Apple , I’m Going to Bite You!
—The Harder you work, The Harder you train

Perhaps you would by no means find another city which has more passion for sports than New York. Not only the spectators crowding in the stadiums but the people who work out in the park will convince you of my statement.

Believe it or not, one more thing that may surprise the foreigners is that sports have, somehow, something to do with the social status. For businessmen, they usually work out in the gym to build their strength which will ensure them energy to undertake piles of work. Also, it is said that the fitness center is a form fixture in the appointments calendar, for a couple of quick business contracts may be made there. As a result , in New York the richer you are, the better body you have. It is also true of women. Those who want to climb up the career ladder must appear to be slim. In order to stay slim, the combination of workout and reduced food intake is necessary!

Looking back on our country, we seem to get the opposite situation. The overweight children are usually born into a rich family and we could never expect a rich businessman to be slim anyway.

What might lead to the difference between two the countries and what we are enlightened by that difference

Thank you

[Gregory Isaacs]

I think you can write a little more. As you emphasized businessmen and women in New York doing sports you could compare it with your own country and a little more detailed and the finish with a conclusion.

[Raiph]

Thank you for your suggestion.

[alcovegirl]

I agree that you could write a little more, but what you have is really good, the spelling and grammar is spot on.
Well done

[zc0000]

Then what is your country

China or ……?

[Raiph]

Yes, I am from China.