A letter of application (FCE is coming)

[XYZ]

Could you possible correct my mistakes in this letter of application and point out words or phrases that are not suitable for formal stile? What grade can I get for this? Thank you very much.

You have just read the advertisement which appears opposite on the noticeboard in your school.

THIS YEAR, the school is offering a travel and study scholarship to all students who have studied at school for three years or more. You will travel to Britain, and study English for three months in Oxford, all expenses paid.

Please apply in writing, saying why you deserve this scholarship, to Nicholas Simms within two weeks.

Dear Mr. Simms,

I am writing to apply for the travel and study scholarship, which was advertised on the noticeboard in my school “The New Horizons”.

I am 16 years old, and I have been studying English for four years. I would like the opportunity to practice my English with native speakers abroad. I am also considering working as a tourist guide when I finish the school, so the journey to the Britain would help me learn more about British people and culture.

I have also been interested in learning English, and last year I was rewarded as the best student at my school. I would also like study in Oxford, because my family cannot afford that. Due to my parents’ death I am brining up by my aunt.

I can be contacted at the above address, or by telephone on 111 1111. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely.
Peter Petrov.

[Anglika]

Originally Posted by XYZ

Could you possible correct my mistakes in this letter of application and point out words or phrases that are not suitable for formal stile? What grade can I get for this? Thank you very much.

You have just read the advertisement which appears opposite on the noticeboard in your school.

THIS YEAR, the school is offering a travel and study scholarship to all students who have studied at school for three years or more. You will travel to Britain, and study English for three months in Oxford, all expenses paid.

Please apply in writing, saying why you deserve this scholarship, to Nicholas Simms within two weeks.

Dear Mr. Simms,

I am writing to apply for the travel and study scholarship, which was advertised on the noticeboard in my school “The New Horizons”.

I am 16 years old, and I have been studying English for four years. I would like the opportunity to practice my English with native speakers abroad. I am also considering working as a tourist guide when I finish the school, so the journey to the[the article is not required in front of the name of a country] Britain would help me learn more about British people and culture.

I have also been interested in learning English, and last year I was rewarded as the best student at my school. I would also like study in Oxford, because my family cannot afford that.[this is a "non sequitur". Do you perhaps mean to say "as my family..."? ] Due to my parents’ death I am brining up [was brought up] by my aunt.

I can be contacted at the above address, or by telephone on 111 1111. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely.
Peter Petrov.

You might be better to look more carefully at your sequence in this. What is important in the notice - the travel or the three months in Oxford, all expenses paid?

[XYZ]

Originally Posted by Anglika

You might be better to look more carefully at your sequence in this. What is important in the notice - the travel or the three months in Oxford, all expenses paid?

Thank you very much for your help. Maybe I misunderstood the topic, could you possibly clear it up for me?

THIS YEAR, the school is offering a travel and study scholarship to all students who have studied at school for three years or more. You will travel to Britain, and study English for three months in Oxford, all expenses paid.

all expenses paid.

For me it means that the school is going to pay for everything and there is no need for the student to pay anything. Am I right?

THIS YEAR, the school is offering a travel and study scholarship … You will travel to Britain, and study English for three months in Oxford, all expenses paid.

Do you want to say travel and study scholarship are equal? The student will travel around Britain for a while from one place to another one and then study in Oxford for a 3 months as a part of his journey?

I thought that a travel scholarship means that the school is going to pay for journey from any point of the world to Britain - You will travel to Britain– and then, studying English in Oxford for 3 months is the main purpose of the journey. Am I right?

[Anglika]

It seems to me that the last of your suggestions is the right one. The person awarded this scholarship will travel to Britain, to Oxford, where he/she will remain for three months to study. All the expenses for this will be paid for by the granting body. There is no implication that the student's travel within Britain [apart from getting to and from Oxford as part of the scholarship] will be paid for.

[XYZ]

Originally Posted by Anglika

It seems to me that the last of your suggestions is the right one. The person awarded this scholarship will travel to Britain, to Oxford, where he/she will remain for three months to study. All the expenses for this will be paid for by the granting body. There is no implication that the student's travel within Britain [apart from getting to and from Oxford as part of the scholarship] will be paid for.

Thank you very much for your useful advice. So I understood the topic correctly. I’ve revised the letter according to your notes. Could you please take a quick look at this? Any mistakes? What do you think about the vocabulary?

Dear Mr. Simms,

I am writing to apply for the travel and study scholarship, which was advertised on the noticeboard in my school “The New Horizons”.

I am 16 years old, and I have been studying English for four years. I would like the opportunity to practice my English with native speakers abroad. I am also considering working as a tourist guide when I finish the school, so the journey to Britain would help me learn more about British people and culture.

I have also been interested in learning English, and last year I was rewarded as the best student at my school. I would also like study in Oxford, as my family cannot afford that. Due to my parents’ death I was brought up by my aunt.

I can be contacted at the above address, or by telephone on 111 1111. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely.
Peter Petrov.

[Anglika]

Excellent expression - very clear and accurate, but the sentence about Oxford and your family is still not quite right.


I would also like study in Oxford, and the scholarship would enable me to do this as my family cannot afford it. Due to my parents’ death I was brought up by my aunt.


The Scholarship would let me study in Oxford, something my family cannot afford to pay for. Due to my parents’ death I was brought up by my aunt.

[XYZ]

Originally Posted by Anglika

Excellent expression - very clear and accurate, but the sentence about Oxford and your family is still not quite right.


I would also like study in Oxford, and the scholarship would enable me to do this as my family cannot afford it. Due to my parents’ death I was brought up by my aunt.


The Scholarship would let me study in Oxford, something my family cannot afford to pay for. Due to my parents’ death I was brought up by my aunt.

Thank you!!!!