Please help me correct grammar.

[Passawee]

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in the big city.

From my point of view, I am not agreeing with this statement because living in the big cities is more advantages than living in the countryside. I will show you the reasons why living in the big cities is better in the following paragraphs.

The world is being rapidly developed. Maybe the children have no chance for learning new technologies if they live in countryside. Moreover, the children who grow up in the big cities have a better chance for education because the big cities have more schools, colleges and universities and more career opportunities than the countryside.
The fact that countryside has fewer shops and services means that the people have fewer employment opportunities. Living in big cities is easily to connect the several services such as the hospitals, the filling stations, the cinemas, the restaurants and the department stores because of the better communication and transport system. If the people in countryside want to connect these services, they have to take a long distance. Hospitals in the big cities are abreast of the times, have more new technologies and innovations. In addition, living in the big cities offers a variety of extra curricula activities like sport clubs, art schools, dance schools and any more. I strongly believe that these activities are very important for children’s development.

However, people have different reasons for choose their place for living. Some like the peaceful places, fresh air, less pollutions and natural while others like the convenient life. Choose the appropriate place for your life styles.

[Anglika]

Your essay does not really reflect the topic. I think you need to consider what is being stated. Your arguments are all about the advantages of living in a city for adults.