Could you correct my essay, please?

[Katik]

Do young people today make good use of their free time?

It is considered that only hard work can show us how much the free time is important for people. There are many ways how to use our free time and how to make the most of it. According to statistics only a few young people know how to spend their free time efficiently and have a good rest.
First of all, many of us consider that lying in front of television and doing nothing is the best way of relaxing. Actually, these passive activities lead to stress, depression and irritability. So, in my view, such way of spending your time is not useful neither for your health nor for your mood.
On the other hand, about 90% of young people spend their time near the computer which gained a great popularity among the youth. Computer provide us with many possibilities such as communication, making friends, getting a quick information and other. I cannot say computer is useless but it also cannot be a good way of spending our spare time. Sitting all day in front of computer is unhealthy.
Apart from that, there are some young people who know how spend their leisure and to benefit from it. They go for a nature walk, do sport, travel and other. As a result, these people feel fine and their life become more interesting and valuable.
So, do young people today make good use of their free time? The answer is negative because they simply waste their time and do not try to change their lifestyle. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that in the near future young people will change their mind and start to have a valuable and healthy rest.

[caved]

Your essay is good, but it is long, so people may be easily bored, so it would be best if it is shortened a bit. If there is a certain word count, then it is ok, then.

[Anglika]

Originally Posted by Katik

Do young people today make good use of their free time?

It is considered that only hard work can show us how much the free time is important for people. There are many ways how to [we can] use our free time and how to [delete] make the most of it. According to statistics, only a few young people know how to spend [use] their free time efficiently and have a good rest.
First of all, many of us consider that lying in front of television and doing nothing is the best way of relaxing. Actually, these passive activities lead to stress, depression and irritability. So, in my view, such a way [but would be better: "this way"]of spending your time is not useful neither [delete one of these - too many negatives!] for your health nor for your mood.
On the other hand, about 90% of young people spend their time near the computer[only near the computer? or actually in front of the computer?] which has gained a great popularity among the youth [young] Computers provide us with many possibilities such as communication, making friends, getting a quick information and other[ other what?]. I cannot say a computer is useless but it also cannot be a good way of spending our spare time. Sitting all day in front of a computer is unhealthy.
Apart from that, there are some young people who know how spend [to use] their leisure and to benefit from it. They go for a nature walk, do sport, travel and other [other what?]. As a result, these people feel fine and their life becomes more interesting and valuable.
So, do young people today make good use of their free time? The answer is negative because they simply waste their time and do not try to change their lifestyle. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that in the near future young people will change their mind and start to have a valuable and healthy rest.

..

[Katik]

Thanks very much! I very appreciate helpful people(: