Please i need a help.. Could anyone check my essay for me ...

[Noumy88]

plz i hope to check it for me coz im not an english native speaker
and what could be a good conclusion for this essay .i try to write something but i didn't like what i write so far ...the teacher wants this 2morrow.....and all who reply im thanful for u all...

Lessons in success

Everyone wants to succeed including me. Many have been pursuing Success for years, and others start towards it and seem to find it almost immediately. But what is success? How I can become a successful person? For some people, it means a goal that they have in mind to win or reach. For others, success is finishing whatever they started to do. Athletes may have one definition of Success, a stay at home mom may have another, a musician may see Success as a number one hit, and a Doctor may see Success as a surgery that went well. However, for me success depends on what you are searching for in life, and searching for in business. It is to have hope even in times of despair, for as long as you have hope, you have life. In order to success, we must have some qualities but the most important are empathy, responsibility and faith.

The first quality to succeed is empathy. Successful person often is an empathetic. To be an empathetic person means identify with and understand of others situation, feelings and motives. Actually, it is the ability not just detect what others are feeling, it is also experience that emotion yourself. For example, Diana Princess of Wales was an empathetic lady. Humanitarian work played an important part in the Princess's life, both at home and abroad. She was also well-known for her charitable work. During her marriage, Diana was the president of over 100 charities. Even after her divorce, she stayed involved. One of the most controversial stories of Diana's work was her support of the British Red Cross anti-landmine campaign.

The second quality is responsibility. We all have been asked to be responsible of our actions instead of blaming others. But what is the most important part in responsibility?Responsibility is one of the key dimensions of human existence and behavior and constitutes the cornerstone of our understanding of what makes a life worth living. Sheikh Zayed was a good example for a responsible person. At first when he came to the government, the seven emirates, known then as the seven Trucial States, had been independent from the British influence. Abu Dhabi was poor and undeveloped. He introduced a formal government structure, with departments developed to handle specific tasks. At that time, the economy suffered when the market for Gulf pearls collapsed after Japanese scientists invented the cultured pearl. Then, the first oil company teams came to carry out geological surveys, and Zayed was appointed to guide them around the desert. That helped his country to become one of the richest countries. He provided great support and guidance for the executive arm of the government. He worked to make the Council more capable, more effective and more sensitive to the issues affecting the nation and the people.

The third quality is Faith. Many people think of "faith” as it is to believe in the in the god. But faith includes other meanings in different situations with that one. It is a feeling or a collection of ideas that represent one's convictions. To believe _deep on you_ in your case means that you have a faith. Nelson Mandela, the President of South Africa, had both kind of faith. During those years, as a leader in the African National Congress, he engaged in protest actions to bring equality to all black citizens of his country. He was imprisoned for twenty-seven years. While in prison, he didn’t give up, but he worked hard to what he was willing to and became popular in South Africa. Because he believed in himself, his case, and his people and that black people there deserved a better life, he made it.

[Anglika]

Lessons in success

Everyone wants to succeed including me. Many have been pursuing Success for years, and others start towards it and seem to find it almost immediately. But what is success? How I can become a successful person? For some people, it means a goal that they have in mind to win or reach. For others, success is finishing whatever they started to do. Athletes may have one definition of Success, a stay at home mom may have another, a musician may see Success as a number one hit, and a Doctor may see Success as surgery that went well. However, for me success depends on what you are searching for in life, and searching for in business. It is to have hope even in times of despair, for as long as you have hope, you have life. In order to success[ succeed], we must have some qualities but the most important are empathy, responsibility and faith.

The first quality to succeed [for success/needed to succeed] is empathy. A successful person often is empathetic [no article - empathetic is an adjective]. To be an empathetic person means to identify with and understand of others [other people's] situation, feelings and motives. Actually, it is the ability not just detect what others are feeling, it is also to experience that emotion yourself. For example, Diana Princess of Wales was an empathetic lady. Humanitarian work played an important part in the Princess's life, both at home and abroad. She was also well-known for her charitable work. During her marriage, Diana was the president of over 100 charities. Even after her divorce, she stayed involved. One of the most controversial stories [aspects] of Diana's work was her support of the British Red Cross anti-landmine campaign.

The second quality is responsibility. We all have been asked to be responsible of our actions instead of blaming others. But what is the most important part in responsibility?Responsibility is one of the key dimensions of human existence and behavior and constitutes the cornerstone of our understanding of what makes a life worth living. Sheikh Zayed was a good example for [of] a responsible person. At first when he came to the government, the seven emirates, known then as the Seven Trucial States, had been independent from the British influence[not quite clear if they became independent or were at the time independent]. Abu Dhabi was poor and undeveloped. He introduced a formal government structure, with departments developed to handle specific tasks. At that time, the economy suffered when the market for Gulf pearls collapsed after Japanese scientists invented the cultured pearl. Then the first oil company teams came to carry out geological surveys, and Zayed was appointed to guide them around the desert. That helped his country to become one of the richest countries. He provided great support and guidance for the executive arm of the government. He worked to make the Council more capable, more effective and more sensitive to the issues affecting the nation and the people.

The third quality is Faith. Many people think of "faith” as it is to believe in the in the god [only as belief in God/a god]. But faith includes other meanings in different situations with [than just] that one. It is a feeling or a collection of ideas that represent one's convictions. To believe _deep on you_[in your heart of hearts {{useful idiom}} ) in your case means that you have a faith. Nelson Mandela, the President of South Africa, had both kind of faith. During those years ,[delete] As a leader in the African National Congress, he engaged in protest actions to bring equality to all black citizens of his country. He was imprisoned for twenty-seven years. While in prison, he didn’t give up. but he worked hard to what he was willing to and became popular in South Africa.[delete] Because he believed in himself, his case, and his people [delete] and that black people there [in South Africa] deserved a better life, he made it.[he finally succeeded]

[/quote]


You are a bit inconsistent in the use of capitalization of "success" - either all or none.

Your last paragraph is the least well presented. It is a difficult topic, but I think if you refine it and cut down some of the sentences, it works all right.

Since your topic is "Success", it would be good to end with that concept.

[Noumy88]

thanx alot ..... i made all the changes .....hope to get a good mark....thanx again...