IELTS Essay (Pls help to proofread)

[skymoon]

Hi all teachers and scholars,

I am going to take the IELTS exam, pls drop some comments and proodread for my piece of essay writing, thank you a lots!!

Topic: More and more children’s writing & math ability are affected by computers and calculators. We should limit the use of those tools. Disagree or agree.

There is no doubt that both computers and calculators become much more important in education and the learning process, or even in today’s society. Calculators enable students to develop more complicated mathematical concepts instead of spending more time on mantel calculation. Computers have changed the traditional way of writing process into more easy, simple and fun. However, the developments of computer and calculators also cause a certain barriers to children’ abilities of writing and mantel calculations.

Recently researchers show that many children nowadays are too dependent on using calculators in their learning and they tend to use the calculators in every mathematical computation, rather than using paper-pencil computations. The consequences of the situation can be serious, for instance, the use of calculators take away from children’ ability to think and reason through problems, and they might lose their confidence when the calculators are taken away.

The ease of writing with computers enable children altering their writing anytime anywhere, they can simply adjust the writing by clicking the delete function key showed on the keyboard, but they can not do the same action if they are already finished their writing by paper writing. However, computers also allow them to find any kind of materials through accessing the internet, thus they might easy to copy others’ work instead of doing by themselves. Paper writing enables children to develop certain writing skills, such as, organizing, preparing, and their creativity.

To conclude, computers and calculators should be used as a supplementary tool for children to develop their writing and math skills, the limitation is necessary if they are misuse its, and teachers have the responsibility to promote a positive attitude toward children when they are using these learning tools.

[JLP]

Originally Posted by skymoon

Hi all teachers and scholars,

I am going to take the IELTS exam, pls drop some comments and proodread for my piece of essay writing, thank you a lots!!

Topic: More and more children’s writing & math ability are affected by computers and calculators. We should limit the use of those tools. Disagree or agree.

There is no doubt that both computers and calculators [have] become much more important in education and the learning process, [and also] in today’s society. [For example,] calculators enable students to [progress to] more complicated mathematical concepts instead of [having to spend so much] time [on mental] calculation. [Similarly,] computers have changed the traditional way of [teaching] writing into [something that is] easy, simple and fun. However, the development of computer and calculators [has] also cause a certain barriers to children’ abilities of writing and [mental] calculations.

Recently[,] researchers [have shown] that many children nowadays are too dependent on using calculators in their learning[.] [In many cases, they] tend to use the calculators in every mathematical computation, rather than using paper-pencil computations. The consequences of [this] situation can be [quite] serious[.] [F]or instance, the use of calculators [can] take away from [the] children[s]’ ability to think [for themselves] and reason through problems, and they [may] lose their confidence when the calculators are taken away.

The ease of writing with computers enable children [to alter] their writing [anywhere at any time;] they can simply adjust the writing by clicking the delete function key on the keyboard. [However,] they can not [perform] the same action if they [have already finished writing on paper]. However, computers [can] also allow them to find [m]any kind[s] of materials [on] the internet. [T]hus they might [be tempted] to copy others’ work instead of doing [it] by themselves. Paper writing enables children to develop certain writing skills, such as [organizing and preparing their ideas before they begin to write.]

To conclude, computers and calculators should be used as a supplementary tool for children to develop their writing and math skills[.] [However, certain] limitation[s] [are] necessary if they [misuse them], and teachers have the responsibility to promote a positive attitude toward children when they are using these learning tools.

Here are a few suggestions, which appear in brackets in the text. One important thing to remember is the correct spelling of the word "mental." I also split some sentences into two to reduce the number of run-ons, and made a few additions in the interest of flow.

[skymoon]

Hi JLP,

Thanks for your great help!! You are precious to people who are ESL all over the world!!

skymoon

[JLP]

Oh, and "cause a certain barriers to children' abilities of..." should be "caused certain barriers to children's abilities in...". Note the possessive of "children," which is "children's."

Sorry I didn't catch this earlier; otherwise it would have been in the first post.