Could you please correct my IELTS essay?

[mesh2005]

Task:

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
You are unhappy about a plan to make your local airport bigger and increase the number of
flights. You live near the airport.
Write a letter to your local newspaper. In your letter
• explain where you live
• describe the problem
• give reasons why you do not want this development.
You should write at least 150 words.
You do NOT need to write your own address.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear Sir/Madam,

Essay:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I'm writing concerning the article in your newspaper dated 10th October. My house is situated within 20 minutes walk of the airport. Please allow me to explain the problems that have caused severe damage to the residential area.

First the noise pollution affects badly on the area's residents. Many of us can not concentrate on their housework. Even worse, sleep disorder and Insomnia, and of course this is because of airplanes take off and land during days and nights.

Second, I think the expansion of the airport may result in reducing the playground area which is under construction at the moment near the airport. I'm fully sure that the new expansion plan will result in aggravating the problems and we may encounter new problems as well. To sum up, I strongly disagree with the new plan and I would appreciate if you could publish an article about the problems I mentioned above. Feel free to contact me for further details.

Thank you for taking the time to read my mail.

Best Regards,

Tom

[RonBee]

Essay:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I'm writing concerning the article in your newspaper dated 10th October. My house is situated within 20 minutes walk of the airport. Please allow me to explain the problems that have caused severe damage to the residential area.

First the noise pollution affects badly on the area's residents. Many of us can not concentrate on their housework. Even worse, sleep disorder and Insomnia, and of course this is because of airplanes take off and land during days and nights.

Second, I think the expansion of the airport may result in reducing the playground area which is under construction at the moment near the airport. I'm fully sure that the new expansion plan will result in aggravating the problems and we may encounter new problems as well. To sum up, I strongly disagree with the new plan and I would appreciate if you could publish an article about the problems I mentioned above. Feel free to contact me for further details.

You are writing to talk about the adverse effects of having the airport nearby. You are not writing concerning the article. You are writing in response to the article.

The noise badly affects the area's residents. People cannot get a good night's sleep because of the constant noise caused by the planes taking off and landing day and night.

Say:

I am sure that the proposed expansion would result in aggravating the problems that exist, and it may produce new problems as well.

~R