#1  
Old 23-Aug-2007, 14:26
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Default Need assistance in rewriting this paragraph

North Carolina State University 1890 land-grant legacy of service to the citizenry is ensured and continues through this project with the continual staff working with parents who have limited resources and at-risk participants.

I changed it to:

This project will ensure the legacy of North Carolina State University 1890 land-grant to continue service to its citizens through the continual work of staff working with parents who have limited resources and at-risk participants.

It still needs some work - THANKS!
  #2  
Old 23-Aug-2007, 21:14
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Default Re: Need assistance in rewriting this paragraph

This project will ensure the legacy of service to the citizens of North Carolina, promised/guaranteed in the North Carolina State University 1890 land-grant, will be continued by the staff working with parents who have limited resources and are at-risk participants.

"legacy of service" ought not to be split.

"citizenry" must refer to the citizens of the State, not the University.
  #3  
Old 29-Aug-2007, 17:07
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Default Re: Need assistance in rewriting this paragraph

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. Thank you for your assistance. The sentence now makes sense.

Again, thank you.
  #4  
Old 29-Aug-2007, 20:17
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Default Re: Need assistance in rewriting this paragraph

You're welcome.
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