my short story-please I need "A" of my HW!!

sweetakasha · #1 (**permalink**) 02-Oct-2007, 16:15

I felt so excited when I looked at the envelope… But I would like to tell you the whole story. I had just come back home from outside and as usually I checked our mail-box. There were a lot of leaflets and newspapers given out for free. However, it wasn’t everything. There was something in very nice ornament envelope with beautiful pink flowers on it. Such envelopes are mostly used for special occasion or celebration. My heart started to beat quicklier and my breath drawn in. I was pretty surprised because I didn’t expect anything like that. I immediately looked at the back of the envelope but there wasn’t any address of the sender. Carefully I opened the envelope. There were some cards ornamented such way like the envelop was. I started to read. ‘Oh my God!’, I yelled out. It was a wedding announcement with invitation to the wedding of my ex-boyfriend. I was so disappointed because I still love him. My enjoyment changed to my sadness and sorrow.

THANK YOU

restless_disguise · #2 (**permalink**) 03-Oct-2007, 17:42

I felt so excited when I looked at the envelope… But I would like to tell you the whole story. I had just come back home, from outside and as usually usual, I checked our mail-box. There were a lot of free leaflets and newspapers given out for free. However, it wasn’t everything that wasn't all. There was something in a verynicely ornamented envelope with beautiful pink flowers on it. Such envelopes are mostly used for special occasions or celebrations. My heart started to beat quicklier more quickly and my breath drawn in I held my breath. I was pretty very surprised to see the envelope because I didn’t expect hadn't expected anything like that. I immediately looked at the back of the envelope but there wasn’t any address of the sender return address. Carefully, I opened the envelope. There were some cards ornamented such way like the envelop was decorated in the same way as the envelope. I started to read. "Oh my God!", I yelled out gasped. It was a wedding announcement with an invitation to the wedding of my ex-boyfriend. I was so disappointed because I still love him. My enjoyment excitement changed to my sadness and sorrow.

red = words that should be removed
bold = added words

Let me know if you have questions about any of the edits.

Some of them could be done differently depending on the effect that you want.