need editing for an essay

[gonghai]

Topic:What city in the world would you especially like to visit? Explain why.

My favorite subject at school is Japanese history. I sometime consider myself being attracted by things that have to do with Japan or Japanese. Therefore, out of the many cities in the world, I want to visit Kyoto, in Japan. Kyoto is very cultural, it has a beautiful scenery and fine cuisine: making it a perfect place for a vacation.

Kyoto has many heritage buildings and palaces. For example, the golden imperial palace, which has a long heritage background, is a place I must pay a visit. Unlike Tokyo and many major cities in the world, Kyoto does not have any high-rise and industrial building. This in fact, makes the air unpolluted and fresh. Undoubted, visiting Kyoto will make me feel relax and enjoyable. Many people think Japanese dress like North Americans. Well, in fact, in Kyoto, many Japanese still continues to wear tradition style clothing, such as Kimono. In addition to that, the famous Buddhist Temple, Sensoji is located in Kyoto. In short, if you want to learn about Japanese culture, Kyoto is a perfect place to visit.

Japan has many beautiful and natural mountains, hot springs and forest. It is a perfect relaxing place; just imagine sitting in a hot spring. Also, hiking and camping will be adventurous and fun. Because, I love to explore the wilds and outdoor I am very sure I will really enjoy the excitement Kyoto will give me.

In Canada, I love to dine in at Japanese restaurants, such as Daimasu, Richmond Sushi and Sui Cha Ya. If I ever get a chance to visit Japan I will be able to taste real Japanese food. I am sure the cuisine in Japan will taste better than the ones in British Columbia. Indeed, there will be more variety and choices to choose from. This would definitely please my taste buds.

In conclusion, Kyoto is a wonderful city to visit. If I get a chance to visit Kyoto I will enjoy seeing the heritage buildings and palaces, exploring the beautiful scenery of mountains and tasting the real Japanese cuisine. Don’t you feel like flying to Japan right now?

[/i]

[Tdol]

My favorite subject at school is Japanese history. I sometimes consider myself attracted to things that have to do with Japan or Japanese. Therefore, out of the many cities in the world, I want to visit Kyoto, in Japan. Kyoto is very cultural, it has beautiful scenery and fine cuisine, making it a perfect place for a vacation.

Kyoto has many historic buildings and palaces. For example, the golden imperial palace, which has a long history, is a place I must pay a visit to. Unlike Tokyo and many major cities in the world, Kyoto does not have any high-rise or industry. This in fact, makes the air unpolluted and fresh. Undoubted, visiting Kyoto will make me feel relaxed and content. Many people think the Japanese dress like North Americans. Well, in fact, in Kyoto, many Japanese still continues to wear tradition clothing, such as Kimonos. In addition to that, the famous Buddhist Temple, Sensoji, is located in Kyoto. In short, if you want to learn about Japanese culture, Kyoto is a perfect place to visit.

Japan has many beautiful mountains, hot springs and forests. It is a perfect place to relax; just imagine sitting in a hot spring. Also, hiking and camping will be adventurous and fun. Because I love to explore the wilds, I am very sure I will really enjoy the excitement Kyoto will offer me.

In Canada, I love to dine in Japanese restaurants, such as Daimasu, Richmond Sushi and Sui Cha Ya. If I ever get a chance to visit Japan I will be able to taste real Japanese food. I am sure the cuisine in Japan will taste better than that in British Columbia. Indeed, there will be more variety and choices to choose from. This would definitely please my taste buds.

In conclusion, Kyoto is a wonderful city to visit. If I get a chance to visit Kyoto I will enjoy seeing the heritage buildings and palaces, exploring the beautiful mountain scenery and tasting real Japanese cuisine. Don’t you feel like flying to Japan right now?

Yes

[RonBee]

It might help if you explain what you mean when you say Kyoto is "very cultural". (I'm a little puzzled by that.)

Perhaps I'll have some more comments later.

:)

[gonghai]

Originally Posted by RonBee

It might help if you explain what you mean when you say Kyoto is "very cultural". (I'm a little puzzled by that.)

Perhaps I'll have some more comments later.

:)

instead of saying kyoto is very cultural is there a better word that i can use



thanks :D

[gonghai]

thanks for the editing

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by gonghai

instead of saying kyoto is very cultural is there a better word that i can use



thanks :D

It is hard for me to suggest a better word if I am not sure what you mean, but perhaps you could say that Kyoto has many shrines and many sites of historical significance. That would give the reader a better understanding of why you think Kyoto would be a good place to visit. (Is my suggestion close to what you had in mind?)

:)

[blacknomi]

I'm not going to edit your essay. But Kyoto is really an amazing antique city that has much valuable historical significance.

Just one demerit : English is not comprehensible in Kyoto. When I talked to them, they ran away like seeing a ghost or what!

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by blacknomi

But Kyoto is really an amazing antique city that has much valuable historical significance.

That's a reader-friendly sentence. Good! :D

Originally Posted by blacknomi

ust one demerit : English is not comprehensible in Kyoto. When I talked to them, they ran away like seeing a ghost or what!

I'm not sure what you mean by that, but I can guess. Perhaps:

• Nobody in Kyoto speaks English. When I would talk to the people there they would run away as if they had seen a ghost.

What do you think?

:)

[blacknomi]

Originally Posted by RonBee

That's a reader-friendly sentence. Good! :D

I'm not sure what you mean by that, but I can guess. Perhaps:

• Nobody in Kyoto speaks English. When I would talk to the people there they would run away as if they had seen a ghost.

What do you think?

:)

That's very nice!

Have you read my suggestion and comment? I think this is what I meant. Hm, to correct each sentence. But I think you deserve a free day and celebrate your big day today! :D Don't let my questions eat at you.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by blacknomi

But I think you deserve a free day and celebrate your big day today! :D

How did you know today was my birthday?

:wink:

Originally Posted by blacknomi

Don't let my questions eat at you.

But I live for this stuff.

:D