Will You Please Proof Read My Essay

My favorite Activity

My favorite activity is listening to music because it relaxes me. Ever since I was younger, I would come home from school and listen to music. Anything related to music always seemed to catch my attention. I would even watch music videos on television. When I don’t have anything to do or when I am bored, I listen to music. I also have the radio on when I am doing homework or any other activities. This may bother some people but it doesn’t bother me. There are two reasons why music relaxes me. The first reason is that music helps me relieve my mind when there are problems. The second reason is that I am able to focus better when the music is on.
The first reason why music relaxes me is because it relieves my problems. Whenever I am listening to music, I just forget about my personal matters. When I am not in a good mood, I listen to music so it can help me have a good day. Music helps me ignore my problems, also because I am able to find different types of music to fit my mood. Some types of music I enjoy listening to are; Indian, Rap, Hip-Hop, and Oldies.
The second reason why music relaxes me is because I am able to focus better with music on. I could be working on a very difficult math problem and if there is music playing in the background I am able to tune out everything else and just focus on that math problem. When there is complete silence, my mind tends to wander more. I usually can’t just focus on one thing. For this reason, I have a large collection of CDs so that I always have my favorite music on hand.
In conclusion, my favorite activity is music. I like music because it helps me relieve my problems. Music also helps me get focused when I am dealing with difficult issues or when I just need to figure something out. I have made my favorite activity a way of life for myself. Music is great; everyone should learn to enjoy it in their own way.

[David L.]

My favorite Activity

My favorite activity is listening to music because it relaxes me. Ever since I was young, I would come home from school and listen to music. Anything related to music always seemed to catch my attention. I would even watch music videos on television. When I don’t have anything to do, or when I am bored, I listen to music. I also have the radio on when I am doing homework or any other activity. This may bother some people but I find it a great help. There are two reasons for this. The first (reason-omit) is that music helps (me-omit) relieve my mind when there are problems. The second reason is that I am able to focus (my mind) better when the music is on.
Another way to say this might be: ...I seem to be able to concentrate better.

It would be better to write all that you have to say about each of the reasons straight after you introduce it.
So: There are two reasons for this. . The first (reason-omit) is that music helps (me-omit) relieve my mind when there are problems. Whenever I am listening to music, I just seem to forget about my personal worries; and when I am not in a good mood, I listen to music to cheer myself up. (Music helps me ignore my problems-omit: you have said this), I can alway find some type of music to fit my mood (Some types of music I enjoy listening to are; Indian, Rap, Hip-Hop, and Oldies - this might be better coming at the end, as more a general statement about music.)
The second reason is, that I am able to focus (my mind) better when the music is on. Another way to say this might be: ...is, I seem to be able to concentrate better.... I could be working on a very difficult math problem, and if there is music playing in the background, I am able to tune out everything else and just focus on that math problem. When there is complete silence, my mind tends to wander more. ( You might omit the 'more') (I usually can’t just focus on one thing - this is implied in your 'mind wandering'). For this reason, I have a large collection of CDs so that I always have my favorite music on hand.
In conclusion (since you are writing informally, you could say, "As you can see), my favorite activity is music.

I like music because it helps me relieve my problems. Music also helps me get focused when I am dealing with difficult issues or when I just need to figure something out. (This is repeating what you have just said above.)

You might say : "With so many different types of music to enjoy, like Indian, Rap, Hip-Hop, and Oldies, and the benefits music has brought to/brings to my daily life, no wonder it has become an essential part of my day. (Music is great; everyone should learn to enjoy it in their own way.-I would omit this.)

[chuhuytam]

Dear David L.
Is there any problems if I replace some words like this:
My favorite activity is listening to music because it relaxes me. Ever since I was young, (I would come home from school and listen to music) after finnishing my classes, straight away, I returned home and listened to music. Anything related to music always seemed to catch my attention. I (would even) used to watch music videos on television. When I don’t have anything to do, or when I am bored, I listen to music. I also have the radio on when I am doing homework or any other activity. This may bother some people but I find it a great help. There are two reasons for this. The first is that music helps (relieve) ease my mind when there are problems. The second reason is that I am able to focus better when the music is on.
Another way to say this might be: ...I seem to be able to concentrate better.
If it is wrong, eplain me, please. Thanks.

[David L.]

My favorite activity is listening to music because it relaxes me. Ever since I was young, after finishing my classes, straight away I would return home and listen to music.[/b] Anything related to music always seemed to catch my attention. I (would even) used to watch music videos on television. Now, ( you have changed from the past tense, so you need to alert the reader that you are now talking about the present )when I don’t have anything to do, or when I am bored, I listen to music. I also have the radio on when I am doing homework or any other activity. This may bother some people but I find it a great help. There are two reasons for this. The first is that music helps (relieve) ease my mind when there are problems. The second reason is that I am able to focus better when the music is on.
(Another way to say this might be: ...I seem to be able to concentrate better.)

[chuhuytam]

Thank you David L.
I learn a lot from your posts. They're really interesting...