Business Communication

[Serpream]

I started a new study in August. This study contains a lot of English writing, grammar and speaking. Up to now I have failed on almost every writing assignment, so I can need some help. My teacher told me, the only way to practise my writing skills is by just doing it. So I want to ask you if you guys have time to correct my little assignments and give commentary.

My first assignment is this one:

Joel, a 12-year-old boy, says, "When you meet a stranger, you can usually tell if they're a good person or a bad one. And if you're good to people, they'll treat you well in return. So if a stranger asks me for help, I'll usually help them if I think they're okay." Do you agree with Joel? Why or why not?

Meeting someone for the first time, does not mean that you know his personality. That is the main point why I disagree with Joel. Another important point to mention is how people act on their first meeting. A good example is a new study year. About 30 students who never seen each other before, join each other in one class. From that moment they get know each other and people who looked very nice, smart, bad or funny can be like something you never expected.
Joel is talking about a situation a stranger needs help. Every stranger will act nice if they need help (even when they are not nice at all) and help a stranger because you think that they are ok is not really a good point, If people need help with a good reason, you should always help them.
You cannot judge strangers on some accidental meeting; you need to get to know before you can say someone is nice or bad.

[Anglika]

Welcome to the forums.
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Originally Posted by Serpream

I started a new course in August. This course contains a lot of English writing, grammar and speaking. Up to now I have failed on almost every writing assignment, so I need some help. My teacher told me that the only way to practise my writing skills is by just doing it. So I want to ask you if you guys have time to correct my little assignments and give commentary.

My first assignment is this one:

Joel, a 12-year-old boy, says, "When you meet a stranger, you can usually tell if they're a good person or a bad one. And if you're good to people, they'll treat you well in return. So if a stranger asks me for help, I'll usually help them if I think they're okay." Do you agree with Joel? Why or why not?

Meeting someone for the first time does not mean that you know his personality [character]. That is the main point why I disagree with Joel. Another important point to mention is how people act on their first meeting. A good example is a new study year. About 30 students who have never seen each other before join each other in one class. From that moment they get [begin to/start to] know each other and people who looked [seemed/appeared] very nice, smart, bad or funny can be like something you never expected [very/quite different once you know them] .
Joel is talking about a situation when a stranger needs help. Every stranger [Everybody] will act nicely if they need help (even when they are not nice at all) and to help a stranger just because you think that they are ok is not really a good point. If people need help, you should always help them.
You cannot judge strangers on some accidental meeting; you need to get to know a person before you can say someone is nice [good] or bad.

Your points jump about.

Your last sentence really should be your first one, and your argument points will follow from it.

I suggest you list the points for and against and rewrite the essay with "for" in one paragraph and"against" in another.