Studying Abroad

jomo27 · #1 (**permalink**) 04-Dec-2007, 08:35

Im just wondering my english levels, so i just made this essay.
I know my english is not really good but please check it and give grades.

-THANKS-

Nowadays, there are many students continuing their studies overseas. Many of them think that education in other countries is better than in theirs. In my opinion, studying abroad is a good option but there are many advantages and disadvantages of it.

Firstly, since our parents left us alone in other country, we need to stand alone which means we've to do everything ourselves. Hopefully, we can adapt in a short time. With this oppotunity, we can train ourselves in a situation where we have to work alone. Moreover, we can gain more experience by doing something we haven't done previously.

Secondly, when you're in other country, you will be forced to speak the country language. For instance, China, you'll be forced to speak Mandarin anywhere and anytime. By having this chance, you will be promised to be able to speak Mandarin fluently.

Thirdly, you can have free-friendship with new friends in new country but you'll have problems like drugs, gangsters and as well as free-sex.

In addition, while leaving in other country, you can learn their cultures, living standard, etc.

In Conclusion, i think studying abroad is a good option but we need to manage ourselves of good and bad things.

Score: /100

namthao · #2 (**permalink**) 04-Dec-2007, 12:00

Score? I think the best way that I give you my opinion.

- The first paragraph, your introduction is very good, and the main ideas are very clear "studying abroad is a good option but there are many advantages and disadvantages of it", but technical writing, especially "studying abroad " that I am not sure.

I may bring up another option: "In my opinion, studying abroad is a good option but there are many advantages and disadvantages of it." In my opinion, when I study abroad, I have many advantages and disadvantages = In my opinion, studying abroad, I have many advantages and disadvantages.

You know when I rewrite your essay that doen't mean you are wrong, but I would like to bring up another opinion in learnning English, and whatever it is, you should judge yourself.

The second paragraph, you support your main idea "manyadvantages", but your details were so weak "we've to do everything ourselves" What did you do when you live without your parents? (you go to grocery store, cook, wash, and else . . .)

The parts of speech is not clear: "since our parents left us alone in other country"? ? ? as I understood that you +your brother(s)/sister(s) left your parents to live in another country.

"we need to stand alone which means we've to do everything ourselves"=
You and your brother(s)/sister(s) want to learn to take care of yourself.

The third paragraph, you tried to support your main idea
" disadvantages", so I thought you should wrote "when you're (I am) in other country (another country/other countries), you (I) will be forced to speak the country language."

The third paragraph, you compared between "advantage and disadvantage". Personally, I thought you should put it in your final thought.
Again, Score? I don't know how to score your essay, but your technical writing is good, especially, you know the structure of compound, complex, and coordination sentences, well.

Good luck,

Nam Thao

jomo27 · #3 (**permalink**) 04-Dec-2007, 15:13

okay then..

anyways, thx for giving ur opinion and ideas.
i really appriciate it.

good luck too..!

sara88 · #4 (**permalink**) 04-Dec-2007, 17:14

Nice topic..

.
You have to say:
In addition, while living in other countries.
Or: while living in an other country.

I like the topic and also I hope to study abroad too

.

Clare James · #5 (**permalink**) 04-Dec-2007, 21:00

This is not a score, exactly, but the books I'd recommend for you to improve your English most effectively, from reading your composition, would be Pre-Intermediate level books.

jomo27 · #6 (**permalink**) 05-Dec-2007, 04:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by sara88

Nice topic..

.
You have to say:
In addition, while living in other countries.
Or: while living in an other country.

I like the topic and also I hope to study abroad too

.

i didn't notice that i wrote 'leaving' instead of 'living'

so thanks alot for the correction.

yeah im going to Australia to continue my Bachelor's Degree next year.

jomo27 · #7 (**permalink**) 05-Dec-2007, 04:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clare James

This is not a score, exactly, but the books I'd recommend for you to improve your English most effectively, from reading your composition, would be Pre-Intermediate level books.

ic..

thanks then.. ^^

sara88 · #8 (**permalink**) 06-Dec-2007, 16:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by jomo27

i didn't notice that i wrote 'leaving' instead of 'living'

so thanks alot for the correction.

yeah im going to Australia to continue my Bachelor's Degree next year.

Please Jomo take me with you

, but I do prefer Canada

.....