The Great Wall

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13-Dec-2007, 21:06
Melody Hsu

The Great Wall

Have you made any plans for coming up winter vacation?

I had a nine-day travel to mainland Beijing in February this year. The Great Wall was my favorite scenic spot. I was very impressed by the magnificence scenery. The steps that form the Great Wall of China are very steep and tall in some areas. It is not only cliffy, but dangerous so that hard to climb. That is why had a Chinese saying: "You're not a real man if you haven't climbed the Great Wall". I become exhausted after climbing the wall and walk no more than a kilometer or two. We just spent half of the day to stay there. As you know it is impossible to reach the top in the short time.

The Great Wall is famous around the world for its wall built and beautiful scenery. Many tourists come from all over the world. I met many foreigners, Korean, Japanese, Thai...etc. I can’t speak their languages, but we introduced ourselves and our own country using limited English skills. In this instance is telling one truth that English is an international language to communicate everyone in the world, isn’t it? I thank for them who showed me many friendships. I do not have chance to meet each other anymore though.

Words cannot describe the beauty of the scene. I ascended the Great Wall and realized one of my dreams to travel all over the world. It was a great experience I will not forget forever its beautiful scenes I saw.
..................
Your help will be appreciated.
Thanks.
15-Dec-2007, 01:56
namthao

Re: Your reply will be appreciated.

Hello There,

Although I am going to correct your essay, I am still learning Enlish. When I correct some words in your essay, it doesn't mean you are wrong nor do people understand your ideas , but I would like to bring up another option and hope this is an opportunity that I am going to learn English from you.
Note: Red= omit; Blue= rewrite

I had a nine-day travel to mainland Beijing in last February this year. The Great Wall was my favorite scenic spot, and I was very impressed by the magnificence scenery (should be compound sentences). The stair-steps that form the Great Wall of China are very steep and tall in some areas, and it is not only cliffy, but also dangerous so that it's very hard to climb. That is why had a Chinese people say (more than one Chinese says): "You're not a real man if you haven't climbed the Great Wall". I become became exhausted after climbing the wall and walking (paralell structure) no more than a kilometer or two. We just spent half of the day to stay there. As you know it is impossible to reach the top in the short time.

The Great Wall is famous around the world for its wall built and beautiful scenery. Many tourists come from all over the world. I met many foreigners, Korean, Japanese, Thai...etc. I can’t couldn't speak their languages, but we introduced ourselves and our own country by using our limited English skills. In this instance is telling one truth everyone in the world, isn’t it? At this moment, I realized that English was an international language that was useful to communicate to all people in the world.I thank for them who showed me many friendships. I do not have chance to meet each other anymore. I thanked them for the friendships and I did not thinkI have chance to meet them again.

Words cannot describe the beauty of the scene. I ascended the Great Wall and realized one of my dreams to travel all over the world. It was a great experience that I will not forget forever its beautiful scenes that I saw.

Good Luck,

Nam Thao
15-Dec-2007, 16:42
RonBee

Re: The Great Wall

Corrections, suggestions, in blue.

Please take note of what I change and what I don't change. Also, feel free to ask questions about the suggestions I make. (I'll do my best to answer them.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melody Hsu

Have you made any plans for coming up winter vacation?

Have you made any plans for the upcoming winter vacation?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melody Hsu

I had a nine-day travel to mainland Beijing in February this year. The Great Wall was my favorite scenic spot. I was very impressed by the magnificence scenery. The steps that form the Great Wall of China are very steep and tall in some areas. It is not only cliffy, but dangerous so that hard to climb. That is why had a Chinese saying: "You're not a real man if you haven't climbed the Great Wall". I become exhausted after climbing the wall and walk no more than a kilometer or two. We just spent half of the day to stay there. As you know it is impossible to reach the top in the short time.

I took a nine-day trip to Beijing last February. The Great Wall was my favorite scenic spot. I was very impressed by the magnificent scenery. The steps that form the Great Wall of China are very steep and tall in some areas. It is not only cliffy but dangerous and very hard to climb. That is why the Chinese have a saying: "You're not a real man if you haven't climbed the Great Wall". I became exhausted after climbing the Great Wall and could walk no more than a kilometer or two. We spent half the day there. As you know, it is impossible to reach the top in a short time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melody Hsu

The Great Wall is famous around the world for its wall built and beautiful scenery. Many tourists come from all over the world. I met many foreigners, Korean, Japanese, Thai...etc. I can’t speak their languages, but we introduced ourselves and our own country using limited English skills. In this instance is telling one truth that English is an international language to communicate everyone in the world, isn’t it? I thank for them who showed me many friendships. I do not have chance to meet each other anymore though.

The Great Wall is famous around the world for its size and the magnificent view. Many tourists come from all over the world to see it. I met many foreigners--Korean, Japanese, Thai, etc. We couldn't speak each other's languages, but we talked to each other using our limited English skills. In this instance it became clear that English truly is an international language. People from various countries around the world can use it to communicate with each other. I am glad to have met the people I met on my trip. I hope to have more such opportunities in the future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melody Hsu

Words cannot describe the beauty of the scene. I ascended the Great Wall and realized one of my dreams to travel all over the world. It was a great experience I will not forget forever its beautiful scenes I saw.

Words cannot describe the beauty of the scene. I ascended the Great Wall and realized one of my dreams to travel to a famous place. It was a great experience that I will always remember.
:-)