Article on personal success

[Greekgirl]

Could you please correct my article? Thank you very much.


TASK
Your local newspaper is running a series of articles on personal success they have had and what the effect of the success has been. You have decided to submit an article.

My article...

Passing my driving test and getting my driver’s license at the age of 18 was a success and has affected my life in more ways than I could possibly imagine.

Looking back at the time when I was studying for the written examinations, I realize how unreasonably nervous I had been, since the actual exams were a piece of cake. I was so anxious that I didn’t even want to check my answers for mistakes, so I handed in the paper to the examiner and walked out of the exam room. Half an hour later I got the news that I had passed. The next step was the second part of the examinations, the driving test.

I soon realized that driving in the busy streets where the traffic is crawling is way more demanding than taking my dad’s car for a ride in the dead back roads of the sparsely populated rural areas of the country. I had to attend 10 sessions before I could feel comfortable to take the driving test. I recall being very sweaty and shaky and my throat being completely dried out. I was beside myself and elated when I saw the results. I was the first candidate in the line of 50 who passed the test and received the license.

Being one of the few who passes these excruciatingly difficult exams has undoubtedly raised my self-confidence to a point where I can take pride in being a responsible driver. Only few 18-year-olds pass the exams owing to the fact that they tend to be more careless than older demographics and being one of them has gained me people’s genuine respect. And last but not least, getting my driver’s license has made commute plenty easier. Instead of taking one or more buses to work or school, I now drive without having to worry about the weather conditions or paying a fare.

I will never forget the day when I passed my driving test and got my license because it was the ticket to a better life. It was a major success and I consider myself lucky to have the privilege of driving around town.

I thank you in advance.

[Ravage]

Correct it to what? Looks spot on to me. Excellent essay. Congratulations on your license.

[Greekgirl]

Thank you and thank you very much!

[RonBee]

Passing my driving test and getting my driver’s license at the age of 18 was a success and has affected my life in more ways than I could possibly imagine.

Say:

Passing my driving test and getting my driver’s license at the age of 18 was a success that has affected my life in more ways than I could possibly imagine.

Looking back at the time when I was studying for the written examinations, I realize how unreasonably nervous I had been, since the actual exams were a piece of cake. I was so anxious that I didn’t even want to check my answers for mistakes, so I handed in the paper to the examiner and walked out of the exam room. Half an hour later I got the news that I had passed. The next step was the second part of the examinations, the driving test.

Excellent!

I soon realized that driving in the busy streets where the traffic is crawling is way more demanding than taking my dad’s car for a ride in the dead back roads of the sparsely populated rural areas of the country. I had to attend 10 sessions before I could feel comfortable taking the driving test. I recall being very sweaty and shaky and having a dry mouth. I was beside myself with excitement and elated when I saw the results. I was the first candidate in the line of 50 who passed the test and received a license.

In AE we would say on the street, but in the street might be OK in BE.

Being one of the few who passes these excruciatingly difficult exams has undoubtedly raised my self-confidence to a point where I can take pride in being a responsible driver. Only a few 18-year-olds pass the exams owing to the fact that they tend to be more careless than older people, and being one of them has gained me people’s genuine respect. And last but not least, getting my driver’s license has made my daily commute much easier. Instead of taking one or more buses to work or school, I now drive without having to worry about the weather conditions or paying a fare.

I will never forget the day when I passed my driving test and got my license because it was the ticket to a better life. It was a major success and I consider myself lucky to have the privilege of driving around town.

[Greekgirl]

Thank you very much. Very observant.
I'll be taking the Cambridge exams, so I would like to use more BE that AE.

Also, don't we leave out the "a" before "few" if we mean to say that something is not enough? I wanted to stress that very few people passed.

One last thing, I used "plenty" instead of "a lot". I guess "much" is more simple and correct, right?

Again, thanks a lot!

[RonBee]

You could say "Few eighteen-year-olds pass the exam," but since you used "only" you have to use the indefinite article ("a").

We tend to use "plenty" with nouns (especially noncount nouns). Examples: plenty of money, plenty of honey, plenty of water, plenty of soda.

It is common to use "much" with adjectives of comparison. Examples: much warmer, much harder, much colder, much easier.

Post more!

[Greekgirl]

Originally Posted by RonBee

Post more!

I intend to!

Thank you very much, once again!