Forum newsfeeds
Forum Newsfeeds


Sites for Teachers

Sites for Teachers


Go Back   UsingEnglish.com ESL Forum > Learning English > Editing & Writing Topics
Register FAQDonate Members List Mark Forums Read Tags

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 19-Jul-2004, 05:42
darren
 
Posts: n/a
Default Help needed to edit my translation

(1) Nowadays, almost everything that people are using is made rapidly by power machinery. People in ancient and medieval times did not have such machine-made products. They took long time that bored them to finish simple handwork. At that time, the energy or power for labor were dependent on one's or animals' muscles. Industrial revolution was the name given because not only did it manufactured machinery but also bring changes in people's life styles.

2) Among the changes brought by industrial revolution, the most significant ones were that
a) the invention of machinery doing handwork
b) the use of vapor and later other forms of powers took place of human's and animals' muscles
c) the adoption of system called factory

3) If the effects of industrial revolution were to be deprived from this world, we almost could not imagine what kind of world it would become. Lights, cars, aeroplanes, telephones, radios as well as televisions would disappear. Besides, most of the plentiful products on the shelves at department stores would also vanish. Those kids from poor families could no longer go to school. Instead, they would have to help out either at farm or at home. Long time ago before the invention of machinery, not only adults' labor but also that of small kids' were required to cover the needs such as food, clothing and shelter. ( here, I'd like to rephrase like this: Long time ago before the invention of machinery, both adults and small kids's labor were required to maintain the basic needs such as food, clothing and shelter. Do you think its meaning differs from the original one?)

You help is much appreciated.
have a nice day
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 26-Jul-2004, 02:39
Editor, UsingEnglish.com
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Country: UK
Location: Phnom Penh
First Language: English
Posts: 24,927
Thanks: 1
Thanked 155 Times in 151 Posts
Tdol has disabled reputation
Default

l1- I'd say that 'people use'
l2 they took a long time (also, did it necessarily bore them)
l4 The Industrial Revolution... not only did it manufacture


2)Among the changes brought by industrial revolution, the most significant ones were:


3) If this world were to be deprived of the effects of industrial revolution we could scarcely imagine what kind of world it would become

on the shelves in department stores

Long ago, before the invention of machinery, both adults' and small kids' labor was required to maintain the basic needs such as food, clothing and shelter.

Does this help? I'm afraid I've been away for a few days and just got back very tired, so I'm doing a quick post before bed.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 26-Jul-2004, 13:49
darren
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tdol
l1- I'd say that 'people use'
l2 they took a long time (also, did it necessarily bore them)
l4 The Industrial Revolution... not only did it manufacture


2)Among the changes brought by industrial revolution, the most significant ones were:


3) If this world were to be deprived of the effects of industrial revolution we could scarcely imagine what kind of world it would become

on the shelves in department stores

Long ago, before the invention of machinery, both adults' and small kids' labor was required to maintain the basic needs such as food, clothing and shelter.

Does this help? I'm afraid I've been away for a few days and just got back very tired, so I'm doing a quick post before bed.

Thanks Tdol. I really appreciate your help. By the way, let me ask you a few more questions based on your correction:
2) what do you mean here? especially the sentence in bracket? how to put it properly?
they took a long time (also, did it necessarily bore them)

3) on the shelves in department stores
Why is 'in' here instead 'at'? How to tell when to use in and at ?
Last but not least,
Long ago, before the invention of machinery, both adults' and small kids' labor was required to maintain the basic needs such as food, clothing and shelter.
Why do you use 'was' here instead of ' were'? I think we should use plural when the sentence specified ' both adults and small kids'...?
yeah, one more question, how do you feel about this sentence: the energy or power was dependent on human or animals' muscles? Does it make any sense to you?
Thanks in advance
darren :D
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply
Tags: , , ,




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Edit my writing (translation) please NewHope Editing & Writing Topics 3 06-Aug-2004 06:06
Edit "objectives and services of a charter" bmo Ask a Teacher 6 02-Jul-2004 17:46
Edit please bmo Ask a Teacher 2 30-May-2004 07:17
Edit my story-immediate request Anonymous Ask a Teacher 3 15-Mar-2004 15:05
can somone please edit this short reflection Anonymous Ask a Teacher 9 01-Mar-2004 01:17


All times are GMT. The time now is 14:28.



vBulletin, Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0
Copyright © 2002 - 2008 UsingEnglish.com