Please check my letter.

[jomo27]

Can you guys please check my letter.

Thanks.



Dear Mr/Mrs,

I'm just a guy who will be finishing the monash foundation course soon. And through this letter, I'd like to ask some questions about the faculty of Business and Commerce.

Well, do we need to take maths in foundation course in order to attend the Business or Commerce faculty? Example: Business management or marketing.
If so, how if I only take 4 subjects in foundation course exclude maths. And I got very good marks on those subjects. Since the final gpa only been calculated on the best 4 subjects. Will I be accepted to join the business faculty?

Allright. My mother is calling me, so I cant write any more. So please reply to my letter soon.

I look forward to your response.

Thanks.


Regards,
Tom

[Anglika]

Originally Posted by jomo27

Can you guys please check my letter.

Thanks.



Dear Mr/Mrs [name],

I will soon be finishing the Monash foundation course, and am considereing what I will do next. I would like to ask some questions about the faculty of Business and Commerce.

Are applicants expected to take maths in the foundation course in order to be considered for the Business or Commerce faculty, to study subjects such as Business Management or Marketing?

Would it be acceptable if I take 4 subjects in the foundation course, but not maths, and got very good marks in those subjects? Since the final gpa is calculated on the best four subjects, would I be accepted to join the business faculty?

I look forward to your response.


Yours sincerely,

[full name]

This should be a formal letter, not an informal one. You want to impress them with your ability

[Lexi]

I think this letter should probably be written in formal prose -- at the moment it sounds as if you are writing it to a friend rather than a university faculty! I assume you want to apply for a course?

Some pointers:
*Unless you know the name of the person you are writing to, write 'Dear Sir/Madam' - and finish your letter with 'Yours Faithfully'
*You might want to start your letter without the 'I'm just a guy...' and use something more formal, such as 'I am currently studying the monash foundation course at (insert school here), and am dues to finish (insert date here) What is monash by the way??! You might need to clarify this unless they know what it is.
*Starting a sentence with 'well' is not very formal, and is used in speech rather than writing. You could perhaps use: 'Firstly, is it essential to take maths in order to attend...?'
*Your next paragraph (If you want this to be a separate paragraph, leave a line between it and the previous paragraph - if not, follow on using the same line) is confusing -- you need to clarify what you mean here. Have you taken maths in your foundation course? Are you saying that it is a subject you have taken but is not one of your four best subjects? Or are you saying that you are not studying maths in your foundation course?
*Don't end your letter with 'Alright. My mother is calling me...' -- This is too informal! End it with something like: 'Thank you for taking the time to read this.'
*Leave out 'thanks,' since you have already said this -- but for future reference, 'thanks' is informal, and you should use 'thank you' when writing a formal letter.

Hope this helps!

[jomo27]

Originally Posted by Anglika

This should be a formal letter, not an informal one. You want to impress them with your ability

Yes my Queen.

Thanks for correcting again.