Essay (please check)

[Tvita]

I am preparing for IELTS exam. Could you please check my essay? Any correction and suggestions will be appreciated :)

If you are familiar with IELTS writing assessment, could you please tell me which score this essay deserves?

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree and disagree?

Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays advertising has a high impact on the society, especially, on the young generation. People are starting to believe in what they hear and see every day, especially, if it is shown in the glamorous and attractive way. Thus a lot of people often buy things that they actually don’t need.

It is obvious that advertising helps business to grow by stimulating consumers buy particular brand or starting to use services of some particular companies. Modern generation is overwhelmed by a huge amount of advertisements that comes from everywhere: radio, TV, magazines, etc. This forces people to buy things and services often when they don’t actually need these products. Moreover, sometimes people buy these redundant products for money that they don’t have, using credit cards which most of people can easily get now, and that is also inspired by advertisement. All this can lead to severe problems like recent credit card crisis in USA.

Most noticeable bad influence advertising has on youths. In their attempts following up-to-date products they spend a lot of money and time which they could spend on such useful activity as education. Sometimes their choice of a future profession is also stimulated by advertisement. Many of them prefer to read clamorous magazines instead of classical books and science periodicals and this “literature” determines their lifestyles.

To sum up I would say that I completely agree that the main thing, that provokes people to buy a huge amount of different products, some of those they don’t really need, is advertising.

[fromatto]

Nowadays advertising has a HUGE impact on society, PARTICULARLY on the YOUNGER generation. People are BEGINNING to believe what they SEE AND HEAR every day, especially if it is PRESENTED TO THEM IN A glamorous and attractive way. THIS MEANS THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE END UP BUYING things that they REALLY don’t need.


It is obvious that advertising helps businessES GROW by ENCOURAGING consumers TO buy A particular brand or TO CHOOSE THE services of A PARTICULAR COMPANY. Modern generationS ARE overwhelmed by THE amount of advertisING that SURROUNDS THEM. THE END RESULT IS THAT PEOPLE OFTEN buy things THEY DON'T ACTUALLY need. Moreover, sometimes people buy these UNNECESSARY products WITH money that they don’t have, using credit cards WHOSE EASY AVAILABILITY IS ALSO PROMOTED BY ADVERTISING. All this can lead to severe problems like THE recent credit card crisis in THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

ADVERTISING's NEGATIVE INFLUENCE IS MOST KEENLY FELT BY THE YOUNG GENERATION. In their attempt TO KEEP UP TO DATE WITH FASHIONS, YOUTHS spend a lot of money and time which they could MORE PROFITABLY spend on EDUCATIONAL ACTIVITIES. Sometimes their choice of a future profession is also PROVOKED by advertisING. Many of them prefer to read GLAMOROUS magazines instead of NOVELS OR science periodicals. THIS "GLOSSY literature” determines their lifestyles.

To sum up I would say that I completely agree WITH THE PROPOSITION THAT HIGH SALES OF CONSUMER GOODS ARE PROMPTED BY ADVERTISING RATHER THAN BY THE GENUINE NEEDS OF SOCIETY.

I have made quite a few changes, and maybe the changes I have made mean that you no longer have 250 words, I do not know. Some of the changes I have made are quite 'sophisticated' and if you use them, it might appear that the work is not your own. If you are submitting this essay for a test or a grade, I think you should submit your original essay, with one or two changes (especially Glamorous for 'clamourous'). Just 'take mental note' of the expressions I have used.

In the second paragraph, you copy the same idea (people buy things they don't need), from the first paragraph. You should consider deleting this repetition.

Good luck with your IELTS !

[Tvita]

It is obvious that advertising helps businessES GROW by ENCOURAGING .....

I don't understand one thing - why should we omit the "to" after "businesses" (before "grow")? Could you please explain it to me from grammatical point of view?

Thank you in advance :)

[Sandersru]

Originally Posted by Tvita

It is obvious that advertising helps businessES GROW by ENCOURAGING .....

I don't understand one thing - why should we omit the "to" after "businesses" (before "grow")? Could you please explain it to me from grammatical point of view?

I'm not a native English speaker, but it seems to me they don't use TO after the verb HELP. The question is really interesting to me as well.

[fromatto]

Originally Posted by Tvita

It is obvious that advertising helps businessES GROW by ENCOURAGING .....

I don't understand one thing - why should we omit the "to" after "businesses" (before "grow")? Could you please explain it to me from grammatical point of view?

Thank you in advance :)

You CAN say 'advertising helps businesses to grow'. I believe it's just a matter of style. Both are correct, without any loss of meaning. I believe the version without 'to' reads better.

[Tvita]

It is obvious that advertising helps businessES GROW by ENCOURAGING consumers TO buy A particular brand or TO CHOOSE THE services of A PARTICULAR COMPANY.

What about "to buy" and "to choose" is it necessary to put "to" before them?

[fromatto]

Originally Posted by Tvita

It is obvious that advertising helps businessES GROW by ENCOURAGING consumers TO buy A particular brand or TO CHOOSE THE services of A PARTICULAR COMPANY.

What about "to buy" and "to choose" is it necessary to put "to" before them?

You can say: 'by encouraging customers to buy a particular brand or choose the services of a particular company'.

In the second case (choose) the 'to' is understood and not absolutely necessary. Normally, as you know, you encourage someone 'to' do something. Again, it is a question of style. I believe I chose 'to' twice, to aid the reader put emphasis in the right place. It was a long sentence, after all.

[Tvita]

I mean would it be grammatically correct (not consider the style issue) to omit 'to' twice (before buy and choose) like this?

'by encouraging customers buy a particular brand or choose the services of a particular company'.

[fromatto]

Originally Posted by Tvita

I mean would it be grammatically correct (not consider the style issue) to omit 'to' twice (before buy and choose) like this?

'by encouraging customers buy a particular brand or choose the services of a particular company'.

No, definitely not.