tv/computers &children:control or not

[mickey]

I'm trying to improve my writing skills,so any comments n suggestions on my essay r always welcome
Topic:many modern children spend a great deal of time in front of a television or computer screen.This is extremely harmful for their development.Therefore parents should strictly limit the time children spend in this way.Do u agree?
TASK
In our more n more hasty world where a large amount of parents have their hands with their jobs,televisions as well as computers r commonly considered a suitable tool to entertain,pacify n babysit children.Nevertheless many problems,e.g health troubles,lack of contact with the outside world,young criminals,take root in this phenomenon.So I am totally in favour of the proposal that a stricter control over activities of this sort by parents should be carried out.
The first point I'd like to make is that not all TV or computer programs have good n educational values,not to mention that some may bring about harmful effects.In fact,there have been cases where teenagers suffer behavioral problems after being long exposed to violent games,overdone sex scenes on black webs n so on.Or some commit crime due to the desire to imitate personages in an action film.Therefore,whatever TV series they watch,whatever website they surf should be recommended for them to avoid
the unexpected influences.
Another thing aggravating the situation is that spending too much time in front of TV n computer screens,children deprive themselves of the opportunities to develop properly,both in mental n physical aspects.It's not only through academic lessons at school that adolescents grow up,but also through realistic relationships with their streams,through first personal experiences,through very "teen" incidents that they get to discover the marvelous world around them.It is consequently the substantial responsibilities of parents to provide more appropriate outdoor activities for them.
To summarize,everything,TV n computers included,is two-edged.For the good sides to flourish,sufficient supervision from mature members in the family is always advisable.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by mickey

In our more n more hasty world where a large amount of parents have their hands with their jobs,televisions as well as computers r commonly considered a suitable tool to entertain,pacify n babysit children.

In our fast-paced world, where a large number of parents have their hands full with their jobs, television and computers are commonly considered suitable tools to entertain, pacify and babysit children.