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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 08-Apr-2008, 21:23
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Default Why

Dear people
Here is my new poem, would you please proofread it.

Why


Why a young woman at the bus stop cries?

Love,

Illness,

A lost mobile phone?

If we were in another country

I would wipe her tears with my parched lips.

Here, I do not dare.

My hair is dark

Her strawberry blond.

My eyes the plough earth

Hers the blue sky.

The sun is shining

The economy blooming

But she is still crying

And I do not dare to kiss her cheeks.
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old 08-Apr-2008, 23:05
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Default Re: Why

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
Dear people
Here is my new poem, would you please proofread it.

Why


Why does/is a young woman at the bus stop cry/crying?

Love,

Illness,

A lost mobile phone?

If we were in another country

I would wipe erase her tears with my parched lips.

Here, I do not dare.

My hair is dark

Hers strawberry blonde.

My eyes the ploughed earth

Hers the blue sky.

The sun is shining

The economy blooming

But she is still crying

And I do not dare to dare not kiss her cheeks.
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Bassim (09-Apr-2008)
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 09-Apr-2008, 02:34
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Default Re: Why

Just a suggestion . . .


She Still Cries

Young woman cries at the bus stop

About love?

Illness?

A lost mobile phone?

In another country

I would wipe her tears with my parched lips.

Here, I do not dare.

My hair is dark

Hers strawberry blonde.

My eyes the ploughed earth

Hers the blue sky.

She still cries

And I dare not kiss her cheek.
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The Following User Says Thank You to susiedqq For This Useful Post:
Bassim (09-Apr-2008)
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