Could anyone correct my letter?

Hi, I am a Mexican Student, and I have been having a lot of difficulties with writing in English. I would really appreciate if someone could correct my letter or give me some suggestions in order to make it more "advanced", punctuation, anything, because i need to get at least a B+ in this, in order to qualify to make the First Certificate. Thank you. It is a letter of application for a job.

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Dear Sir,

I have just read your job advertisement in the newspaper and I would like to apply for the work. When I saw the ad I couldn’t believe my eyes, this was the occupation I had dreamed for a long time.

I have a lot of experience in organizing sporting activities in my country which is Mexico. I have worked in three different summer camps in my local sporting club, where we looked after children from 7 to 14, and we had a lot of success.

The last camp, which I personally think was the best, was methodically planned by one of my brothers and me. We made a lot of fun activities like swimming races, soccer and basketball training and we also combined the sporting activities with cultural and social actions. Last year we decided to carry out an expedition with the intention of planting new trees. I believe we had a lot of success, furthermore, kids’ mothers were so pleased with the camp that the have asked us to do it again next year.

Concerning the languages, I am proud to say that I fluently speak English and French as well as Spanish which is my native language. I have approved my driving course successfully.

I believe that I am up to the job and since I am looking for new experiences abroad, I would absolutely appreciate if you gave my application major consideration.

I really look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely