Letter of application - pls. proofread it

[popsie]

The Children’s Organization has several grants of up to $1000 to fund new projects designed to help children in developing countries. To apply, please write to us giving details about yourself, the project you are planning, and saying how you would spend the money.



Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in connection with your advertisement and would like to apply for a grant.

I am a seventeen-year-old student at Brandon College in Poland. I am studying to become a teacher. I have always been interested in young people. Every year I spend my holiday on the summer camp for children as an instructor.

Last year, during our classes, we read about how many problems have children in developing countries, like lack of food, clothes, medicine. We decided to help them. So then we organized a collection second-hand clothes. And send it to The Red Cross. Even though most children in developing countries do not give any Christmas presents since their parents are very poor or they even do not have any parents. So this year we would like to buy some Christmas presents as well as food and medicine.

We have already earned $500 by arranging a flea market - selling our stuff which we had at home, however we do not use it. We would need $1200 - $500 for food, $500 for medicine, $200 for Christmas gifts. We would be really grateful for grant $700.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Daniela Gabriels

[Anglika]

Originally Posted by popsie

The Children’s Organization has several grants of up to $1000 to fund new projects designed to help children in developing countries. To apply, please write to us giving details about yourself, the project you are planning, and saying how you would spend the money.



Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in connection with your advertisement and would like to apply for a grant.

I am a seventeen-year-old student at Brandon College in Poland. I am studying to become a teacher. I have always been interested in young people. Every year I spend my holiday on the summer camp for children as an instructor.

Last year, during our classes, we read about how many problems children in developing countries have, like lack of food, clothes or medicine. We decided to help them. So then we organized a collection of second-hand clothes and sent them to the Red Cross. Since most children in developing countries are not given/do not get any Christmas presents because their parents are very poor or they even do not have any parents, this year we would like to buy some Christmas presents as well as food and medicine.

We have already earned $500 by arranging a flea market - selling our stuff which we had at home that we did not use. We would need $1200 - $500 for food, $500 for medicine, $200 for Christmas gifts. We would be really grateful for a grant of $700.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Daniela Gabriels

.

[drewdown]

In addition to the above reply...


Perhaps it should read "a summer camp" - unless the addressee knows the exact camp you are referring to...

In the fifth line down, I would cut "so then" from the beginning of that sentence, it isn't needed.

The end of the sixth line, the inclusion of the word "even" sounds wrong to me, but I'm not sure how to correct it.

When charity work is concerned, its customary to use the word "raised" instead of "earned".

Other than that, it seems OK.

[popsie]

Thank you all for helping me.