April

[Bassim]

Dear people.
Please, would you proofread my new poem.

April

At the end of April women in Sweden start blooming.

They have fought with harsh winter days for six long months

but now their turn has come.

Like an unstoppable flood they inundate the streets,

giving men a difficult time.


Long legs, short legs, mini skirts, tight tops, firm breasts,

bare bottoms, thongs...

fall like bombs on the towns.

Men sigh and drool

They are defenceless.


From the end of April I use to sit inside

and keep myself away from the temptation.

Whenever I am outside, my eyes are chained to the ground.

I have got an ultimatum,

and must take a harsh decision.

I cannot compromise.


Poetry is a jealous lover, she wants you all for herself.

Once she told me,"Women or me!" and smirked.

I know if she leaves me, she will never come back.

I will die of sadness, my poems become orphans.


April is the most difficult time for me .

When everything is burgeoning and passions fill the street

I must bow my head and look down.

Poetry is a very jealous lover.

[RonBee]

April

At the end of April women in Sweden start blooming.

They have endured harsh winter days for six long months

but now their turn has come.

Like a tsumani they flood the streets,

giving men a difficult time.

[Bassim]

RonBee

Thank you for helping me.

I am just wondering if I could use the word fought and maybe struggled instead of "endured" harsh winter days? Because sometimes it so cold that one feels one have to struggle with the winter!

Bassim

[RonBee]

RonBee

Thank you for helping me.

I am just wondering if I could use the word fought and maybe struggled instead of "endured" harsh winter days? Because sometimes it so cold that one feels one have to struggle with the winter!

Bassim

That's an interesting concept.

[susiedqq]

Poetry is a jealous lover; she wants you all for herself.


I really like this line!

Ah yes, Spring is when a young man's fancy turns to women . . .

[Bassim]

Susiedqq

I am just wondering if the rest of the poem is grammatically correct?
For example is the verse, "Like an unstoppable flood they inundate the streets.." all right?

Best wishes,
Bassim

[susiedqq]

April

Women in Sweden start blooming at April's end

They have fought harsh winter days for six long months

Now their turn has come.

Unstoppable, they flood the streets,

giving men a difficult time.


Long legs, short legs, mini skirts, tight tops, firm breasts,

bare bottoms, thongs...

fall like bombs on the towns.

Men sigh and drool

defenseless and yearning.


I use to sit inside in April

to keep away from the temptation.

Outside, my eyes are chained to the ground.

I've been given an ultimatum,

a harsh decision to make.

I cannot compromise.

Poetry is a jealous lover; she wants you all for herself.


Once she told me,"Women or me!" and smirked.

I know if she leaves me, she will never come back.

I will die of sadness; my poems become orphans.


April is the most difficult time for me

When everything is in bloom and passion fills the streets

I must bow my head and look down.

Poetry is a very jealous lover.

[Bassim]

Susiedqq

Thank you very much for your quick replay.
Thank your for your time.

Best wishes,
Bassim

[RonBee]

I like struggled better than fought, thus:

They struggled with the harsh winter for six long months.

[RonBee]

Long-legged blondes wearing short skirts. Hm.