Help Me!! Well This Is The Beginning Of A Essay Of Social Class

[luzg]

[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']CAN SOMEONE PLEASE PROOFREAD MY ESSAY AND GIVE ME ANY SUGGESTIONS TO MAKE IT BETTER. ITS ABOUT SOCIAL CLASS AND THIS IS THE INTRODUCTION... WHAT DO YOU THINK COULD BE A GOOD THESIS STATEMENT!!! PLEASE I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE THE HELP![/font]
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[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']Society has developed the concept of social class, to categorized people into different groups based on economic, political, and socio-economic status, this system of social stratification contribute to the difficulties that the middle and lower classes has to experience in order to succeed in the United States. [/font][FONT='Times New Roman','serif']America is a place where all people are supposed to be equal, but social class has created divisions in our society. Unfortunately social class has become the backbone of American society, where being upper-class gives people an advantage and controlling position in the United States. In order for some people to feel secure and happy, they feel that they need to move up in the social-economic ladder which is guaranteed though social mobility and the ideas that everyone can achieve in life. It is apparent that America was constructed under these difficulties pertaining social class that hinder anyone who tries to reach an upper level in society. America is known for its “American dream” however achieving it is far from an easy task especially to the lower and middle class people. [/font][FONT='Times New Roman','serif'][/font]

[I'm With Stupid]

Originally Posted by luzg

Society has developed the concept of social class, to categorized people into different groups based on economic, political, and socio-economic status, this system of social stratification contribute to the difficulties that the middle and lower classes has to experience in order to succeed in the United States. America is a place where all people are supposed to be equal, but social class has created divisions in our society. Unfortunately social class has become the backbone of American society, where being upper-class gives people an advantage and controlling position in the United States. In order for some people to feel secure and happy, they feel that they need to move up in the social-economic ladder which is guaranteed though social mobility and the ideas that everyone can achieve in life. It is apparent that America was constructed under these difficulties pertaining social class that hinder anyone who tries to reach an upper level in society. America is known for its “American dream” however achieving it is far from an easy task especially to the lower and middle class people.

Society has developed the concept of social class to categorized people into different groups based on economic, political, and socio-economic status. This system of social stratification contributes to the difficulties that the middle and lower classes have to experience in order to succeed in the United States. America is a place where all people are supposed to be equal, but social class has created divisions in our society. Unfortunately social class has become the backbone of American society, where being upper-class gives people an advantage and a controlling position in the United States. In order for some people to feel secure and happy, they feel that they need to move up in the socio-economic ladder which is guaranteed through social mobility and the idea that everyone can achieve in life. It is apparent that America was constructed under these difficulties pertaining to social class that hinder anyone who tries to reach the upper levels of society. America is known for “The American Dream,” however achieving it is far from an easy task, especially for the lower and middle class people.


Red = corrections
Blue = suggestions, although your sentence was grammatically correct.
Green = this is fine, but personally, I wouldn't use a personal term such as "our" in an essay, because it's supposed to be objective. I would leave it out, but it's entirely up to you, because grammatically, it's fine.


Not a teacher.


Can someone check my punctuation in the last sentence, because I'm not 100% confident. Personally, I would split it into two sentences after "The American Dream," but I'm trying to keep it as close to the original as possible.

[Anglika]

Originally Posted by I'm With Stupid

America is known for “The American Dream”; however, achieving it is a far from easy task, especially for lower and middle class people.



Can someone check my punctuation in the last sentence, because I'm not 100% confident. Personally, I would split it into two sentences after "The American Dream," but I'm trying to keep it as close to the original as possible.