Please help me check the IELTS essay!

[kulogtran]

Topic : Damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of the improvement in the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this position?
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Economic development leads to the improvement in the standard of living. However, people nowadays are confronted with so many effects to their quality of living such as environment and pollution. Some people claim that the damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of social and economic developments. But I think that the most important is awareness of each person of protecting a fresh environment as a key for a better life.

There are so many companies and factories are building up to make more profit without caring about environmental protection. They throw out the nature huge of industrial garbage and pour dirty water into channels and rivers directly. Apart from that, the exhaust gas and noisy pollution impact to people healthy greatly. Not only the companies or factories but also many individuals are causing the damages to environment. Some people even have a well education are still lacking of awareness of environmental protection. It is not excuse when people spend more time to earn money but less time to take care their living world.

Nevertheless, if government were more strictly on environmental policies, they could force the manufactures close or fine the individuals heavily. All members must undertake to protect our nature and environment. If people and authorities sit together and have a long term in economic and social development, our environment will be protected.

The environment is better or worse, it depends on our awareness. When we destroy our living world, we are harming not ourselves but our descendants.
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I will sit IELTS next month, could you please correct my grammar mistakes and structures as well? Thanks for your kindly help!

[husen]

Dear comrade!
Your essay is, in gneral superb, but there is little doubt>>>
1. Organization si not clarified very good.
2. There no sights of any "LINKING WORDS"

I'll advise your to take the book called " Successful Writing"-it is really exelent book to improve your writing skills.
PS.
You can take the current book from the website: englishtips.org
At first register!!!!

[chester_100]

Economic developmentbrings about/ leads tothe improvement in the standard of living. However, people nowadays are confronted with so many destructive effects such as pollution that declines the quality of life. Some people claim that the damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of social and economic developments.

-It's not suitable to state what common people believe in an academic essay. Particularly if what they say is nothing more than a "claim".

-Well, social and economic developments are not necessarily destructive or environmentally damaging in themselves.
As a matter of fact, industrial developments are among the most harmful factors. Social developments, if they are rightly directed, can even be conducive to environment.

But I think that the most important is awareness of each person of protecting a fresh environment as a key for a better life.

-I think that the most important is: the most important WHAT? You need to put a noun after "the most important".

-You could just say:
-I think the individual's awareness of how to protect the environment is of pivotal importance and a ... .


There are so many companies and factories that are building up to make more profit without caring about environmental protection. Theyexposenature to huge industrial hazardous waste and pour toxic substances into water channels and rivers directly. Apart from that, the exhaust gas and noise pollution have a major impact on people. Not only the companies or factories but also many individuals are causing the damages to the environment.
Some people even have a well education are still lacking of awareness of environmental protection.
Even some highly educated people still lack of ... .
It is notexcusablewhen people spend more time to earn money but less time to take care of the world in which they live.

Nevertheless, if the government were more strict on environmental policies, it could force the manufactures to close down or sue them heavily. All members must undertake to protect our nature and environment. If people and authorities sit together and develop long term policies in economic and social developments, our environment will be more protected.

The environment is better or worse, it depends on our awareness.

The amelioration or deterioration of our environment depends on our awareness.

When we destroy our world, we are harming not ourselves but our descendants.
When we destroy our world, we not only harm ourselves but also our descendants/ the generations to come.


You need to work a little more, if you're going to take ILETS.

Good luck Chester