[Essay] please kindly check my essay

[running_man22005]

Task 9: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high education and starting university studies.


Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

It is true that twelve years for compulsory education is significant period to every young people before continuing to start university studies .However, whether or not it is useful way to stimuate them to work and travel for a year in advance is a question raised by many people.In this essay, I intend to examine advantages and disadvantage for this kind of activity


One of the strongest arguments in favour of this is that the young people gains so many benefits .It is the fact that univerisity enviroment requires the youngs to study and do research privately, therefore, only by communicating so much with people,working enviroment and so on could they become flexible and feel confident to solve many problems. Moreover ,traveling from place to another place,seeing several cultures in the world or a modern chain of production, numerous building that constructed by former help them to broaden the knowledge as well as collecting valuabe requisite experiences for studying.As the result, they could discover an area suitable with them and more importanly, feel full animation to attend.Finally, if properly arranged time and worked ,they would earn little money,perharps,become important member of company



From the other side of this argument, some people contend that spending long time on working and travelling could have an adverse influence on young people’s studying .It is conceivable that money could change considerably mind of human being .When someone could earn easily much money from working ,gradually, immerse themselves in their work that means they could be powerfully attracted by materials, it could lead to neglect of studying. Futhermore, hardly are the poor countries in the world able to decrease significantly harmful phenomena of society such as drugs ,crimes, etc, whereby,it is very dangerous if they operate freely and without control of parents and school


To be fair, I am in favour of the idea the young people should contact with society through discovering the world and more importantly,working directly in many places regardless of the disadvantages of action.However, if the government could created better conditions for them,such as safe working enviroment and opportunity, it would make them to develop totally their ability


please check this essay , and if there is a problem relating grammar,content, structure, please give me an advice .

once again thanks you very much