ielts (part 1, GM)

[xlns_7]

Here is a letter (part 1, GM).
Please correct the mistakes
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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

You cannot go to a company where you got an offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor to
1. Explain the reason why you decline the offer
2. Express you gratitude
3. Explain you like your current job very much.

You should write at least 150 words.
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Dear Sir,

I regret to inform you that I will not accept the offer to work as a local sales manager.

The conditions you proposed to me seemed really attractive; however, my current employer offered me a promotion which I could not refuse. Last week I attained a position of product manager. As far as I know, there are no similar vacancies in your company.

To my mind, it was a best possible promotion I could get taking into account my overall experience. From now on, I will be responsible for market analysis and product development of high-end data storage systems. This is a market segment I have dreamed of dealing with for long.

Anyway, I am grateful to you for attention to my CV and for the time you spent on interviews with me. I would be pleased to work together with you in the future at a higher position.

Your Faithfully,
Robert Black

[Niigatablue]

How about this?

Dear Sir,

I regret to inform you that I will not accepting your local sales manager position.

The conditions you proposed seemed really attractive; however, my current employer offered me a promotion which I could not refuse. Last week I was promoted to the position of product manager. As far as I know, there are no similar vacancies in your company.

To my mind, it was the best possible promotion I could hope for taking into account my overall experience. From now on, I will be responsible for market analysis and product development of high-end data storage systems. This is an area that I have dreamed of working in for a long time.

Anyway, I am grateful to you for your attention to my CV and for the time you spent on interviewing me. I would be pleased to work with you in the future for a higher-level position.

Your Faithfully,
Robert Black[/quote]

[xlns_7]

Thank you for your corrections.

Originally Posted by Niigatablue

I regret to inform you that I will not accepting your local sales manager position.

Is the form "will not be accepting" more appropriate in formal letters?

[Niigatablue]

yes, I made a typo. It should be 'will not be accepting'. Sorry.