correction of short story

[Tan Elaine]

Hi everybody

Could you please go through the short story and correct any mistakes for me. Could you suggest how I can improve on the short story.

Many thanks in advance.

One day, a little girl, Nicole, was walking back to her house while eating an ice-cream. She did not notice there was a banana skin lying on the path. She stepped on it and fell down heavily.

She cried, “Help! Help! My leg is bleeding! Someone, help me, please.”

About three minutes later, she could hardly get up on her knees and she was sad. With much difficulty, she walked home. Soon her mother took her to a clinic.

The doctor cleansed the wound and bandaged it. He also prescribed some medicine and ointment for her to apply to the wound.

After Nicole’s mother had paid the clinic assistant, she and Nicole left for home in a taxi.

[Raymott]

Originally Posted by Tan Elaine

Hi everybody

Could you please go through the short story and correct any mistakes for me. Could you suggest how I can improve on the short story.

Many thanks in advance.

One day, a little girl, Nicole, was walking back to her house while eating an ice-cream. She did not notice there was a banana skin lying on the path. She stepped on it and fell down heavily.

She cried, “Help! Help! My leg is bleeding! Someone, help me, please.”

About three minutes later, she could hardly get up on her knees and she was sad. With much difficulty, she walked home. Soon her mother took her to a clinic.

The doctor cleansed the wound and bandaged it. He also prescribed some medicine and ointment for her to apply to the wound.

After Nicole’s mother had paid the clinic assistant, she and Nicole left for home in a taxi.

Very good. I can't find any mistakes. Good use of tenses etc.
The plot is a little thin, but that will improve with practice.

[Tan Elaine]

Many thanks, Raymott.

I appreciate very much your encouragement.