short story for correction

[Tan Elaine]

Hi fellow members

Could any member/s go through this short story and point out any errors and how I can improve the story.

Many thanks in advance.

One day, the wind said to the clouds, “I’m stronger than you. I can puff the trees and the houses down.”

The clouds retorted, “We’re stronger than you. Without us, the earth will be dry.”

“OK,” said the wind. “Let’s see who will destroy more parts of the earth.”

“I accept the challenge,” said the clouds.

The wind huffed and puffed and destroyed many parts of the earth. In the meantime, the clouds were nowhere in sight. The earth slowly dried up.

The battle between the clouds and the wind came to an end. There was no winner because the whole earth was ruined. The loser was the earth.

[pyoung]

Dear Elaine:
I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing it. Here are a few suggestions:

Hi fellow members

Could any member/s go through this short story and point out any errors and how I can improve the story.

Many thanks in advance.

One day, the wind said to the clouds, “I’m stronger than you. I can puff(a stronger verb would be good here, for example: blow the trees and the houses down.”

The clouds retorted, “We’re stronger than you. Without us, the earth will would be dry.”

“OK,” said the wind. “Let’s see who (will) (or: can) destroy more parts of the earth.”

“We accept the challenge,” said the clouds.

The wind (huffed and puffed) (huffed and puffed is a phrase very familiar to English speakers, because it is what the Big Bad Wolf does to the Little Pigs' houses in a story for young children. So, again, stronger verbs would be good. Possibilities: raged, tore at the houses, blasted the tress, howled, shrieked, etc.) and destroyed many parts of the earth. In the meantime, the clouds were nowhere in sight. The earth slowly dried up.

The battle between the clouds and the wind came to an end. There was no winner because the whole earth was ruined. The loser was the earth.

I have a question: You have described the wind's part of the competition. The clouds are 'nowhere in sight.' Is this how they compete? By withholding the rain, and thereby, causing drought? I think the story might be improved by having the clouds' role more clearly described.

Again, thank you for sharing your story!
Best wishes,
Petra

[Tan Elaine]

Many thanks, Pyoung, for the constructive comments.

You're right. I missed out the clouds' part in the competition. Your suggestion that they withheld the rain and causied a drought makes the story more interesting.

I'm glad that you've gone through the story thoroughly.

[Tan Elaine]

Hi everybody

Could any member/s please correct any errors in this text? Pyong has commented that I had not written about the clouds' part in the competition with the wind.

Many thanks in advance for your help.

The wind howled and destroyed many parts of the earth. In the meantime, the clouds were nowhere in sight. As a result, there was no rain and drought caused all the crops and many animals to die. Even the people were not spared. Many died because there was not enough food and water. Consequently, the earth slowly dried up.