Argumentative essay

[Magdalenaa]

Hi people, I need to ask you for a help. I'm writing an argumentative essay and I'd like you to double check some fragments, please. I've got just the introduction so far. There it is:
Many years ago, I met a friend. He happened to be the best friend I could ever imagine. Even though at times he would be too lively, naughty and even misbehaving, I loved him so much. We would spend a lot of time together. Many times I had to get him back on the right track, many times he was the only one that could make me laugh when I was sad. Unfortunately, on some day, more precisely, on the very day of my birthday, he disappeared and never returned. The hero of my story is a dachshund, my beloved dog. You can only imagine how devastated I felt after I had realized that I would never see him again. I was wandering about aimlessly cleaning up his toys and bedding. I found his hair. After six years, I still have this hair and I still cannot forget my best friend. I would give anything to anyone to get him back. And imagine a situation in which I was given an opportunity to clone him. Would I take the chance? I would not hesitate!

P.S. You will really help me if you guess what it is about.
Thanks in advance!

[RonBee]

Perhaps:

Many years ago I met someone who became the best friend you could ever imagine.

Also:

We spent a lot of time together. He was my constant companion.

And:

I was wandering about aimlessly cleaning up his toys and bedding when I found his hair.

[Magdalenaa]

That is great. Thank you very much. And I'm waiting for more comments.

[tspoon]

Unfortunately, on some day, more precisely, on the very day of my birthday, he disappeared and never returned.

Unfortunately, one day, more precisely, on the very day of my birthday, he disappeared and never returned.

[SeseinAsia]

Many years ago, I met a friend. He happened to be the best friend I could ever imagine. Even though at times he would be too lively, naughty and even misbehaving, I loved him so much. We would spend a lot of time together. Many times I had to get him back on the right track, many times he was the only one that could make me laugh when I was sad. Unfortunately, on some day, more precisely, on the very day of my birthday, he disappeared and never returned. The hero of my story is a dachshund, my beloved dog. You can only imagine how devastated I felt after I had realized that I would never see him again. I was wandering about aimlessly cleaning up his toys and bedding. I found his hair. After six years, I still have this hair and I still cannot forget my best friend. I would give anything to anyone to get him back. And imagine a situation in which I was given an opportunity to clone him. Would I take the chance? I would not hesitate!

My corrections to the paragraph would change it to what I have written below. If you a have questions about my reasoning behind the corrections or what I have done, please feel free to ask me.

Many years ago, I met a friend, who happened to be the best friend I could have ever imagined. Even though at times he would be too lively, or misbehave, I loved him so much, and we would spend a lot of time together. Many times I had to get him back on the right track, many times he was the only one that could make me laugh when I was sad. Unfortunately, on the very day of my birthday, he disappeared and never returned. The hero of my story is a dachshund, my beloved dog. You can only imagine how devastated I felt after I realized that I would never see him again. I was wandering about aimlessly cleaning up his toys and bedding, and I found a piece of his hair. After six years, I still have this hair and I still cannot forget my best friend. I would give anything to anyone to get him back. Imagine a situation in which I was given an opportunity to clone him. Would I take the chance? I would not hesitate!

I think that because this is an argumentative piece, you might want to emphasize that there are two options here, and that your option is the absoulte correct one. Your body paragraphs will be used to support this.

For example, you might consider: Imagine a situation in which I was given an opportunity to clone him. Cloning has recieved so much attention from the media lately, and it is currently seen as being a very controversial subject. Despite all of this, I know that I would not hesitate to take this chance. I believe that to clone him would be the right thing to do.

[RonBee]

Since something is either controversial or it isn't, perhaps try:

It is a controversial subject. I am going to tell you why my opinion is what it is.

On the other hand, you don't necessarily have to mention that it is a controversial subject. Simply state your point of view and then justify it.

[SeseinAsia]

Since something is either controversial or it isn't, perhaps try:

It is a controversial subject. I am going to tell you why my opinion is what it is.

On the other hand, you don't necessarily have to mention that it is a controversial subject. Simply state your point of view and then justify it.

True that something is either controversial or it isn't, but I feel strongly that controversy can be measured strongly based on media attention.

There are many things in the world that are controversial, but sometimes that feeling of controversy is kept within certain social groups.

I chose to define cloning as being very controversial based on the amount of international media attention it receives.

Could you group something such as a controversial budget issue in a small town, which is only really a concern with people in the immediate geographic area, as being the same as something which is argued all over the world?

Somehow I don't feel that measuring it in such a two dimensional way is appropriate.

On the other hand, the comment about labelling it as controversial or not is entirely up to the author(ess). I simply chose to say controversial in my version of the editing, but all choices are up to the person who is writing it.

[RonBee]

If your essay is about cloning it would be a good idea to devote part of that essay to explaining what cloning is.


__________________________________________________ __________________

Argumentative Essays:

Thomas Sowell

Read three or four (or five or six) of Mr. Sowell's columns and you might get the idea of how to do it.

[Magdalenaa]

Many, many thanks to all of you for helping me. I must admit that your suggestions were extremely useful. Could you, then, suggest something on only one phrase, please. I know something is wrong in it but i can't figure out what.


Another very popular belief, slightly off-topic but closely connected with cloning dead creatures, is that, if in the wrong hands, cloning technology could lead to duplicating malevolent human beings such as Adolph Hitler.

[RonBee]

If you are going to argue either for or against cloning you should first indicate that you know something about it. For example, if you clone a person you do not get an identical individual. If you would clone me you would not get another me because that person would start life as a baby.

Cloning - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia