introduction - not a very satisfactory one...

[forum_mail]

Howdy, could someone please take a look at my introduction to my essay? I have to admit that I'm not satisfied with it but anyway I don't have much time anymore, so I guess I'll just post it as it is. Thank you in advance.

One of the inevitable elements of verbal language production, be it a mother tongue or a second language, is incorrectness that may surface on various levels of speech. Utterances created in the production process sometimes simply “go wrong” being contaminated to a certain extent both on the level of lexical items (by slips of the tongue, errors and mistakes occurring in vocabulary) as well as on the level of syntax where grammatical shortages may become apparent through incorrect forms and/or lead to the lack of clarity. In this paper the concepts of Monitor Theory and the notion of self-monitoring are considered in the light of the way self-correcting may influence fluency of one’s speech. Although Stephen Krashen’s Monitor Theory has been predominantly considered in terms of Second Language Acquisition, I believe it is worth being regarded along with the idea of self-monitoring, which is a psycholinguistic concept. A special attention will be paid to the issue of fluency and the impact those two above-mentioned theories may have on it. Since psycholinguistics is “the study of the normal and abnormal use of language and speech […]”[1] it seems more than necessary to be aware of the processes that help overcome such a germane issue which undoubtedly is possible speaker’s incorrectness of utterances in the production stage, as well as tools applied to prevent such erroneousness.

[forum_mail]

anyone ;) ?

[thod00]

As clear as mud. After parsing I conclude this is some kind of high brow joke.

[forum_mail]

nope, it's not a joke... how come u think so???

anyway, the question is - is it correct or not?

[thod00]

One of the inevitable elements of verbal language production, be it a mother tongue or a second language, is incorrectness that may surface on various levels of speech. Utterances created in the production process sometimes simply “go wrong” being contaminated to a certain extent both on the level of lexical items (by slips of the tongue, errors and mistakes occurring in vocabulary) as well as on the level of syntax where grammatical shortages may become apparent through incorrect forms and/or lead to the lack of clarity

=

People often make mistakes in their speech. They can get their tongue twisted, use the wrong word or use the right words in the wrong order.

My version is a hundred times clearer than yours. You go on about clarity of speech but you dont practice what you preach. The idea is to say as much as possible in as few words as possible. No sane writer would consider a 58 word sentence good style. The piece is pretentious and bombastic.

"A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."