Need help with thesis statement

[FullofQuestions]

The assignment is to right a cause and effect essay. This is what I have came up with as my first paragraph. Can someone lookover it and give advice. Is the thesis correct, does it have propper grammer? I am also open to any other advice.


When asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grow up I was always quick to respond “I want to be a teacher” The question not asked was why I wanted to become a teacher. I want to become a teacher because, it will give me a filling of accomplishment, I will be setting a great example for my own children and be able to positively affect the lives of so many other children.

This part would be the thesis If I'm correct. " I want to become a teacher because, it will give me a filling of accomplishment, I will be setting a great example for my own children and be able to positively affect the lives of so many other children."

[thod00]

I am not sure that you are fulfilling the requirements of the assignment. The subject was a 'cause and effect' essay. To me, that means you write about some event, the 'cause', and the consequences, the 'effect'.

For example I could write about I lost my job, the cause. Then I could go on to say how this made me move to a new town and make new friends there, the effect.

[FullofQuestions]

Yes I did go about it wrong. I final got to talk with my teacher lastnight and got things cleared up. Thanks for the help.

[Charlie Bernstein]

The assignment is to write a cause-and-effect essay. This is what I have come up with as my first paragraph. Can someone look it over and give advice? Is the thesis correct? Does it have proper grammar? I am also open to any other advice.


When asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grow up, I was always quick to respond, “I want to be a teacher.” The question not asked was why I wanted to become a teacher. I want to become a teacher becausex it will give me a feeling of accomplishment. I will be setting a great example for my own children and be able to positively affect the lives of so many other children.

This part would be the thesis, if I'm correct: "I want to become a teacher becausex it will give me a feeling of accomplishment. I will be setting a great example for my own children and be able to positively affect the lives of so many other children."

First, congratulations on using affect correctly!

Second, Thod is right, there's no cause or effect. You weren't doing the assignment. It's good you talked with your teacher.

To answer your question about thesis statements:

The sentence "I want to become...." is a thesis statement. The next sentence, "I will be setting...," is an argument supporting your thesis.

[I edit copy and have tutored college writing.]