Introduction paragraph

The introductory paragraph is very important in an essay. However, it is also hard to write a concise and captivating introduction. Can anyone give me some advice on my introduction paragrph from an IELTS essay?
Thank you.

In many places of travel such as lakes, mountains and beaches, the environment is polluted because of the rubbish and litters produced by tourists. Why is this? How can we solve the problem?

These days the pollution produced by tourists has threatened the natural environment of some tourist attractions, making it a big problem to be addressed before those places are completely damaged. Most of the rubbish comes from tourists who have little awareness of environmental conservation. Meantime, the environmental protection facilities are not enough in many tourist attractions.


Another one:

There are more and more old people in many places of the world. What are the causes of longer life span for people and what are the benefits of this situation?

In many part of the world, especially in some developed countries, people have a longer life expectancy so we can see more and more elderly people in these places. This is probably due to some changes in people’s lives in the last few decades, such as better medical treatment, more hygienic environment and more recreational activities.

Look at the opening of the set question:
There are more and more old people in many places of the world. What are the causes of longer life span

Look at your opening:
In many parts of the world, especially in some developed countries,(so,"more and more" - people have a longer life expectancy -(a longer life span).

1. You've launched straight into the essay - this is not an Introduction
2. You are merely reiterating (yawn) the question.

Let's tackle this my having a look at the first topic:
In many places of travel such as lakes, mountains and beaches, the environment is polluted because of the rubbish and litter produced by tourists. Why is this? How can we solve the problem?

So - the question is asking (i) why are tourists polluting (ii) knowing why, how can we address this, solve it.
Your Introduction, then, is to set a framework for what you are going to say.

Your first task in writing this essay, then, is to make a list of one or three word headings, answering 'why'.
Can you come up with three reasons -just a few words indicating each - why this is happening?
If you want to do that, I'll check back.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by David L.

Look at the opening of the set question:
There are more and more old people in many places of the world. What are the causes of longer life span

Look at your opening:
In many parts of the world, especially in some developed countries,(so,"more and more" - people have a longer life expectancy -(a longer life span).

1. You've launched straight into the essay - this is not an Introduction
2. You are merely reiterating (yawn) the question.

Let's tackle this my having a look at the first topic:
In many places of travel such as lakes, mountains and beaches, the environment is polluted because of the rubbish and litter produced by tourists. Why is this? How can we solve the problem?

So - the question is asking (i) why are tourists polluting (ii) knowing why, how can we address this, solve it.
Your Introduction, then, is to set a framework for what you are going to say.

Your first task in writing this essay, then, is to make a list of one or three word headings, answering 'why'.
Can you come up with three reasons -just a few words indicating each - why this is happening?
If you want to do that, I'll check back.

---

Yes, the reasons are:

- some people are not aware of protecting the environment
- not enough facilities to protect environment
- some areas are developed excessively

Thank you for your comment Dave.

- some people are not aware of protecting the environment
How does this statement accord with the massive recycling campaigns and recycling depots, the TV programs, the education in schools etc

- not enough facilities to protect environment -what facilities would protect the environment?

- some areas are developed excessively - are you saying that reduce the number of tourists allowed in an area, and that will reduce litter?

At this point, you need to realize that in writing an essay of this kind, it is not sufficient to use just what you've 'picked up' casually - you need to do some research. Google :national parks litter tourists.
You are looking for (i) ideas as to why it's happening (ii) what, if anything, are the operators and rangers doing about it?

- some people are not aware of protecting the environment

I find this pretty unlikely. If I take my car, because I think its too tiring to walk, I know that its bad for the environment. One could argue I have weighed up the effects on my legs and the effect on the environment and chosen my legs. Except I dont think that, I dont think about the environment at all. If I did I would still choose the car, because the I bear the full cost on my legs, but the car pollution is spread out and you pay the cost.

Most people do not want the world to be right, they want their bit of the world to be right. They will always say that saving the environment is a good thing, providing its the other people that do the saving.

I contend that lack of concern for the environment has nothing to do with lack of awareness, that everyone is aware. They just dont care enough to fore go the benefits.

I contend that lack of concern for the environment has nothing to do with lack of awareness, that everyone is aware. They just dont care enough to fore go the benefits.

I think you have lost focus on the topic of the essay. This is not the whole issue of environmental protection/recycling/renewable energy resources.

This about about a paper cup dropped by a tourist in a country area!